5 Suggestions for Protesters

Ferguson Rioters - dress like something funny

Protesters across the country are getting limbered up and prepping their rocks and Molotov cocktails in anticipation of the Ferguson, MO grand jury investigation. As everyone knows, if the officer is indicted, it’s proof that he’s guilty of racism and police brutality and is a symbol of a corrupt law enforcement system full of brutal, militarized racists. If he’s not indicted, then that of course is is proof of a racist system of militarized police brutality.

Pretty much nobody benefits except for the people who just wanna burn shit down and do some casual looting. Hell we even have a Ferguson National Response Network and a map of protest sites to make sure all the reactions are synchronized (or to help you if you’re just now trying to decide where you’re going to riot). Ferguson, MO schools are reportedly closed and you know who else will probably close? A lot of stores. That’s a lot of businesses who’re gonna be fucked out of Thanksgiving weekend and Black Friday sales. People are staging mock lynchings, at least one dumbass was killed doing something stupid and otherwise just engaging in general fuckery.

Personally we think the timing was planned by President Obama so no one would notice he was replacing Chuck Hagel with John Kerry (who’ll now be wearing 2 hats).

Anyway, Unprecedented Mediocrity has written a helpful article with suggestions to protestors:

1. Ink marketing Deals.Look, America is the land of opportunity and the entrepreneurial spirit runs deep.  So there is no good reason to let a good riot go to waste…

2. Don’t get anyone killed.Seriously, don’t get anyone killed.  Not during the protests or in the ensuing months and years.  You see, I am of the firm belief that the demonizing of our law enforcement officers is a dangerous trend…”

3. Dress like something funny.This is another serious suggestion.  I know it might be convinient to riot in whatever you happen to have on while maybe taking the time to throw a bandana over your face.  To which I respond you are just being lazy…”

Do you even Liberty 1
So you even Liberty?

Ferguson Rioters - dress like something funny 2

4. Be an example.The truth is, there were a countless series of tragedies and failures that likely took place in the life of Michael Brown before his encounter with the Police Officer.  And regardless of what you may think about what happened that day, I can tell you what will be happening as you protest and riot.  Namely, a whole new generation of youth will be watching you.”

5. Let’s do this already. “..Thanksgiving is coming up and we all have things to do.  If we could just go ahead and wrap up this chapter in time, then perhaps we can all move forward with actually doing things that will impact the world rather than tear it apart...”

You can read the entire article (and the full text of his suggestions, which are well fucking worth it) right here.


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