The Breach Bang Clear Tribe wants you to think, train and be dangerous. We want to educate, edify, and entertain you. So, who is responsible for this elucidation?
(Grunts and other knuckle draggers: elucidate.)
(In case you were wondering just WTF was going on here, why there are 1/6 scale action figures running things, and why contributors are sometimes called “minions”.)
Read more about the minions behind Breach Bang Clear.
The Mad Duo
Who are the Mad Duo? It’s an epic tale, one of heroism, adventure, and great feats of arms. Truth told, dictators overthrown, doors kicked, damsels rescued, dragons slain…
You get the idea.
They fight evil, so you don’t have to.
The Mad Duo are perhaps the best-traveled, door-kickingest action figures in the history of mankind. They are modern-day trigger-pulling analogues of “Flat Stanley“; for instance, they really do mail themselves all over the globe to hand out with some of the best pipe-hitters in the business.
Writers from the beginning of their careers, their scalpel-like wit and perspicacious perspicuity are the editorial equivalent of a .308 boat tail to the head. They don’t mean to be so awesome, they just wake up that way every day — just ask them, they’ll tell you. Richard “Swingin’ Dick” Kilgore and Jake “Slim” Call prefer rifles for social work but are more than proficient with their pistols and have little patience for stoopid shit. They never dangle their participles, never fall for the banana in the tailpipe trick, and always remember to police their brass. They are currently headquartered in Nancy’s Squat’n’Gobble, the best strip club and spaghetti buffet in Oklahoma City and are saving the money they earn from the Tactical Buyers Club to retire.
As though this much badassery could ever retire.
Our Classified, Double Top Secret, Eyes-Only, NOFORN/NOHIPPIE discussion group.
About Richard Kilgore
Richard “Swingin’ Dick” Kilgore is half of the most storied celebrity action figure team in the world (and the half that doesn’t prefer BBWs).
His nickname comes from his first deployment as an action figure (it was to Air Assault school). Born in Freedom, Oklahoma, he believes in American Exceptionalism, America, holding the door for any woman (lady or whore) and the idea that you should be held accountable for what comes out of your fucking mouth. Swingin’ Dick has been a warrior gyrovague for many years now and is, apparently, impossible to kill — he once had a complete body transplant after an IED hit the gun truck in which he was riding.
That’s a true story, one of the Cav guys mailed his head and arm home.
Swingin’ Dick comes from a long line of soldiers and LEOs (his Great Uncle commanded an Air Cav battalion in Vietnam and his many times removed great grandfather was one of the few original Burt Mossman era Arizona Rangers). Swingin’ Dick detests Joy Behar and Chris Matthews almost as much as he enjoys traveling the world to crush crime vice and evil. He believes the opportunity to lead eeeelight team of Breach Bang Clear minions is the most improbably awesome thing an action figure has ever done and he’s immensely proud of his perfect hair.
Loyalty and respect should start from the top down.
About Jake Call
Jake “Slim” Call comes from a long line of military and law enforcement service, dating all the way back to the earliest days of the Texas Rangers. Contrary to what Swingin’ Dick says, he does not like fat chicks.
Born in Austin, Texas, Slim has been a part of Breach-Bang-Clear since about ’05, and since then, has traveled around the world spreading awesomeness, fighting evil, and putting single dancing moms through college. Slim hates hippies and sissies, and when the MRE Tabasco leaks into the toilet paper and dries there, but you don’t realize it until it’s too late. Together with his comrade Richard “Swingin’ Dick Kilgore” Slim manages and directs an eeeelight blogging team of writers that thinks you can be a warrior and a patriot and still be amenable to civil discourse.
If his SRB is to be believed, Slim went through boot camp with 1ST RTBN at MCRD San Diego. He subsequently attended SOI at MCB Camp Pendleton, finishing with a MOS of 0331 and then reporting to 1/3 Marines in Kaneohe Bay, HI. During the course of his career he has attended an unusual number of formal schools, many of them black budget ops that required he remain at the bottom of a ruck or otherwise out of sight of instructors who might not have understood why he was attending. Despite having difficulty finding a pith helmet that fits, he became a Combat Marksmanship Instructor 0391.
Slim eventually earned the MOS 0317, deploying many times with 3rd Marines, some with 24th Marines, and later still with a PMC or two on behalf of a couple OGAs.
A few of the latter deployments were CONUS.
Slim was considered for a role in Magadheera because he does all his own stunts and still gets maudlin phone calls once in a while from Michael Bay asking for good shoot-em-up ideas. He’s attended classes with BORSTAR, BORTAC and NPS SWAT (few people realize just how squared away their tactical guys are), and he loves a good burrito…this does not, however, prevent his outrage at the ongoing bullshit along the border. Slim has trained or even gone downrange with a number of bad-asses, including John Creasy, A.K. Waters and several real guys who cannot be named. Like Waters, he’s caught a ride with HSL-37 into the jungle; unlike Waters it was in real life.
Slim does have an arrest record. In fact, to his everlasting chagrin, he was bailed out of jail after Jack Burton that one time in Atlantic City — this despite the fact that it was Jack’s truck and Jack’s duct tape, and the lion’s hair grew back eventually anyway.
Slim is the guy who first invented geocaching, but he always intended for it to be done with map, compass and protractor, not a GPS. He thinks those are handy tools to have, but that youngsters these days rely on ’em too much. They’re not a crutch, nasties! He helped write the scenarios for Operation Raider Spirit, and led the rescue mission for the recovery of the survivors of Operation Stinger. While he was never one of People Magazine’s 50 Most Beautiful People in the World, he could kick anyone on that list’s ass (especially that smarmy fuck George Clooney).
Since helping found Breach-Bang-Clear, Slim has been blessed to train and/or travel with a number of different military and LE agencies and units (though to be truthful, they didn’t always know he was there). He’s been taught by Ed Lovette, Kyle Lamb, Matt Jacques, Matt Graham, Jim Grasky, David Scott-Donelan, the guys from Strategies International, the NYPD ESU “A Team”, LAPD’s D Platoon, Center Mass Inc., and a number of other teams or places. One time he got to run around with a bunch of dudes from Italy he could neither identify nor understand, but he had a helluva time running around with them.
Slim once worked as a rodeo clown at the barfly rodeo in Moe’s Tavern; he enjoys shooting villains both for work and pleasure and prefers beer to liquor.
Slim’s heroes are Batman, Capt. Woodrow Call and Capt. Augustus McCrae and William Wallace. He loves his country, his comrades, and the Mr. Brown’s BBQ outside Bastrop, TX.
Now. A bunch of what you just read is utter nonsense, but…more of it than you think is true, and that’s no shit.
Incorrigibility breeds contempt.
