Situational Awareness has been on the lips of preachy firearms instructors for years. As if anyone outside of a warzone has time for that! It requires constant scanning of your surroundings, threat assessment, figuring out the baseline of your surroundings, reading the body language and posture of people nearby, all of that. So basically it’s a lot of bullshit work that takes TON of time to get proficient at. In today’s busy world, is it realistic to expect so much from us? Time is precious. Why can’t someone create something to “watch out” for us?
Luckily someone has! Omni Consumer Products has partnered up with the emerging technology firm Cyberdyne Systems Corp and is pleased to announce their collaborative smartphone app, “GUARDIAN ANGEL.”
GUARDIAN ANGEL is a simple, user friendly app that cannot be deliberately or accidentally turned off by the smartphone user once activated. The cutting edge software turns your phone into a information gathering machine that scans your immediate area for all forms of threats. Imagine being able to walk out of a late night matinee, and immediately text your friends a raving review while walking to your Prius. In the old world, the one that relied on human observation and instinct, you would have to wait to use your phone until seated in your vehicle. But now, with the superior technology of the GUARDIAN ANGEL app, you can safely walk through the darkness of even the worst neighborhoods, and rest assured that you will be alerted to any approaching conflict.
You no longer have to work at paying attention to the world around you. GUARDIAN ANGEL does it on your behalf, autonomously!
How it works
Once the app is downloaded it becomes permanently programmed into your phone or tablet. The software scans you, your surroundings and people nearby via the features already built into your phone. Using the phone’s camera, speaker and GPS locator, the software “paints” an extremely accurate picture of you and your daily life. By keeping track of your schedule, daily routine, eating habits and sleep cycle, GUARDIAN ANGEL uses artificial (self aware) intelligence software to diagnose your level of fitness, health, IQ, sexual fertility, life expectancy and level of blithe complacency. This information is automatically sent to NETCLOUDTM, a “cloud” based information “net” library of each user. This information is shared and cross checked with others using GUARDIAN ANGEL in your area. NETCLOUDTM is based off the military’s SKYNET technology, which has proven to be an extremely effective means of information collection in recent years. Fully automated, with no human involvement to contaminate the information collected, GUARDIAN ANGEL and CLOUDNET is a self supporting, independent system.
How to use it
The app is expected to go live Thursday of next week, and will have versions for all phones. Simply go to the app store and click on the GUARDIAN ANGEL icon to download. The app will immediately scan and link with your home and office PC, tablet, and all of your Bluetooth enabled devices. Simply continue to walk around with your phone held up, in the “text position” in front of your face in standard oblivious introvert mode. The phones camera will 3D map your face, and those around you. This mapping will be shared with NETCLOUDTM and will build a “file” of friendly people in your life. As you walk down the street or through the shopping mall, the camera will scan for other human shapes and faces, to map and catalog.
If an unfamiliar potentially dangerous face is detected or the apparent stranger is showing signs of hostility (i.e. weapon in hand, threatening tone of voice, chin tilted down, furtive gestures or elevated heart rate detected acoustically, etc.) you will immediately be notified and given directions for safe passage away from the possible confrontation. A separate aspect of the software called FEARKNOT ties in with all local and federal law enforcement databases. If the facial recognition detects a former criminal in your field of view, you will be alerted and an immediate FEARKNOT will message the cops of the bad guy’s position.
For “High risk” areas, you can choose to use the classic “Cooper’s color code” format of alert. The small indicator bar will escalate and deescalate in alertness colors, providing a simple color indicator of likely threats. This bar will appear in all other apps and programs on your phone. This well thought out feature will allow you to keep you playing “angry birds” while walking home from the bar at 2am or drunk texting your ex from a park bench in Detroit. Should you be attacked, you will be prompted to flee via arrow style pointers on the screen and local authorities will be alerted. The arrows will lead you to “blue light rape stations” as found on college campuses or your closest police station, whichever is in closer proximity.
Over all GUARDIAN ANGEL seems like a pretty revolutionary app, that has been a long time in the making. We as a society need this technology to stay safe, and nothing else comes close to its effectiveness. Many people are speculating that the app will be priced out of the common person’s price range. we have received confirmation today from the PR department of OCP that this amazing APP will be FREE to the public! Obviously Omni cares about their customers, and wants the very best for us. Stay tuned for our through review of GUARDIAN ANGEL in the weeks to come. In the meantime relax. You’re no longer responsible for your own safety and well-being – no more worrying about staying safe and being dangerous!
Note: if you’re interested in researching how OCP programmed the app, feel free to read any of the article below. They address much of what GUARDIAN ANGEL will do for the electronically connected, app-savvy consumer.
Mad Duo, Breach-Bang & CLEAR!