JTT: Your Home Battle Stations

battle stations alarm
| December 20, 2016
Categories: Learnin'
Tags: DFM, Homefront


JTT: Your Home Battle Stations

Dave Merrill

I have little doubt that most of our readers have a plan for a home invasion. There’s probably an alarm, a gun, perhaps even some cameras (because for real, if I zap a dude fifteen times in my house, I want it on video).

But what about the more mundane and boring? Like fires?

Our training and thought processes tend to create bias toward home invasions. Perhaps it’s because we perceive it to be the most dangerous concern; mano a mano with guns in your homestead is a scary thing indeed. And yes, you should absolutely have a home invasion plan–but that’s not the only thing you should have. Let’s look at some numbers.

The 2015 FBI Crime Report states there were 284,772 robberies in the United States with 46,991 inside the home. Though they don’t use the specific term “home invasion,” a dude that breaks into your house with a weapon while someone is inside certainly falls into that category.

In that same year, the National Fire Protection Association reports 365,500 residential fires, resulting in 2,650 people dead and another 11,075 injured.

You’re nearly eight times more likely to have a fire in your home than experience a home invasion. It can get worse with the holiday season. Check out how fast this tree goes up:


This is why Nancy’s Squat and Gobble uses only the finest $14 Chinese artificial trees to decorate for the holidays

Let’s Start with the Easy

Have smoke alarms. Have them in the appropriate places. Test them once a month and swap batteries twice a year. 

Battle Stations

If you’re in the Navy, or ever spent time on a US Navy vessel, you’ve heard the call to General Quarters. This is sort of like that, except your fire alarm can be what signals it. Simply put, a Home Battle Station is a place where you have essentials such as fire extinguishers and other emergency supplies. At minimum, I like to co-locate medical gear and lights with each fire extinguisher (a headlamp strap fits easily on a mounted extinguisher). You can also add additional items you may have an urgent use for.

It always pays to have a non-latex option or two in case someone has an allergy

Where a Battle Station is set up largely depends on your home layout. I’ve set up a Battle Station on every floor near a staircase landing, so no matter where we are we can get to it quickly. Furthermore, above each Battle Station is a fire alarm with a light (several options below) to help guide you there, as well as an emergency light which turns on in the case of a power outage for the same reason. Smoke in the air? You can find it. Power out? You can find it.

Here some examples to provide inspiration.

Bottom of basement stairs:

First Floor Landing (inside the pantry):

Second Floor Landing, Linen Closet:


Just as with your fire alarms, regularly check the status of your fire extinguishers. Swap out flashlight batteries. Examine the contents of your medical kits for expired items. Replenish and replace any additional items that may have been used or consumed.


Conclusions and Loose Rounds

If the smoke alarm wakes you up and half the house is ablaze–just get the hell out as fast as you can. Have insurance; you can always buy new shit, but you can’t re-spawn like a video game. Just as you’ve no doubt done with your home invasion plan, go over your fire plan. Though I shouldn’t have to say it, also share those plans with any other housemates.


[Mad Duo Editorial Note: We’re pretty sure Dave doesn’t actually keep NFA weapons randomly strewn across the house. Pretty sure. Always be sure to lockup your goodies to keep sticky hands and little hands off of them] 

Mad Duo, Breach-Bang& CLEAR!

Comms Plan

Primary: Subscribe to our newsletter here, get the RSS feed and support us on Patreon right here.

Alternate: Join us on Facebook here or check us out on Instagram here.

Contingency: Exercise your inner perv with us on Tumblr here, follow us on Twitter here or connect on Google + here.

Emergency: Activate firefly, deploy green (or brown) star cluster, get your wank sock out of your ruck and stand by ’til we come get you.

About the Author: A combat veteran of the United States Marine Corps, Dave “Mad Duo Merrill” is a former urban warfare and foreign weapons instructor for Coalition fighting men. An occasional competitive shooter, he has a strange Kalashnikov fetish the rest of the minions try to ignore. Merrill, who has superb taste in hats, has been published in a number of places, the most awesome of which is, of course, here at Breach-Bang-Clear. He loves tacos, is kind of a dick and married way, way above his pay grade. You can contact him at Merrill(at)BreachBangClear.com and follow him on Instagram here (@dave_fm).



  1. Thorn

    Burglars are gonna get a nice haul from your house when you’re away.

  2. Cadeyrn

    One of the things I have located at strategic locations are glow-sticks. I do this for several reasons, most important of which is: emergencies and intrusions aren’t always courteous enough to occur in daylight hours and sometimes they even happen when the power is off. I don’t have to worry about batteries or power with a chem light. They can be thrown or left in places to illuminate funnels or distract intruders. They’re also cheap, possibly as cheap as replacing batteries every year and easily cheap enough to keep pretty much everywhere.

    Finally, if you’re going to insist on keeping the meats, whiskey and condoms ready-to-hand, then you should also keep some cotton balls there too. These are to plug your ears and nose so you don’t have to hear the squeals or smell the burning rubber.

  3. strych9

    The light above the station is a fantastic idea. I didn’t even know such products existed. The incorporation of an IFAK in each location is fan-didly-tastic too. I’ll be looking into adding both in my house.

    Personally, I locate a firearm next to my extinguishers by using a Shot-Lock. They’re not the best built devices in terms of preventing theft by a determined burglar with the time to get them off the wall and open them somewhere else but if some methed out jerkoff breaks in and finds one the worst they can do is throw it at you or try to hit you with it.

    This also keeps children from accessing your guns without supervision. Theoretically they could get your gun but if you’ve got a child running around the house and unexpectedly hear power tools in operation you should probably check that out regardless of your gun situation. When I was pretty young I got a hold of my dad’s power drill and put a bunch of holes in the dining table. We both learned a lesson from that event. I learned not to touch dad’s tools without permission/supervision and he learned not to leave them where I could get a hold of them, not because of the table but because my mother totally flew off the handle about how I could have drilled a hole in myself.

  4. Cache

    In my home we use turnout bags. (for some of the same emergencies, some different) Sadly, it’s a little less humorous and more regimented … I’ll have to work on that. Good to see how others role.

    You are right that folks tend to be more prepared for more spectacular and violent emergencies that what will actually kill them (statistically speaking.) Guess they can’t bear the thought of being taken down by microbes instead of bullets or blades after years of action movies.

  5. Kevin

    I totally want to live in your house. But not in a gay way. Just sayin’.

    Great ideas! I’m going to incorporate them while wishing I had thought them up myself.

  6. Larry


    The concept of a battle station in the home is just brilliant. I’m going to have to do it in my own home, hopefully before the year is out. I especially like the idea of including a head lamp in it, you have obviously thought this through or applied a lesson learned from a previous experience.

  7. Frank Karl


    After reviewing your photos, it has been decided you’re getting way too much action.

    good thoughts to have in any case.

    Merry Christmas.

  8. Nic

    What is the first smoke detector- the one that looks like it has a strobe light built in?

    • Mad Duo Merrill

      BRK 7010BSL Photoelectric Smoke Alarm With Integrated Strobe Light 120v


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *