Why We Love the VA

November 13, 2014  
|  22 Comments
Categories: Assorted Ramblings
Tags: Veterans

The Veteran’s Administration is awesome. They are efficient, caring and attentive. HA HA HA.

Just kidding.

We’re pretty sure a lot of you reading this have had your own issues. So have we. Back fucked up in a helicopter crash in combat, then nerve cut in your shoulder by the attending Navy physician? One our guys has been there, and he’s now 3 years into trying to get a prescription from the VA for the little doohickey that goes on your steering wheel. He doesn’t mind buying it, but you need the Rx to use it lawfully in case you get in a crash. Know what they told him? “We’re not sure how to do that, so just go buy one and if you get in a wreck let us know.”

Got bronchitis and some kind of fucking SARS-Asian-Ebola-Bird-Flu thing so bad you fracture one of your ribs coughing? No worries. Any one of the VA clinics in Pennsylvania will get you an appointment soon, they promise. Meantime, just go buy some fish antibiotics at the pet store. (Another one of our guys.)

Have ruptured disks in 3 places and a knee blown out twice, but no PTSD or nightmares and you don’t want anything you don’t deserve? That’s cool. You’re going to get extra money every month anyway because the doc put down that you have nightmares about being helpless under indirect fire. Don’t bother protesting that you never used the word ‘mortar’, ‘artillery’ or ‘rocket’ with the shrink. Why? Because if you do you’ll have to start the whole process over again, and hey, what the fuck is another 3-5 years? “Just keep the money and donate it to charity,” the guy at the VA said. “It will be easier.”

You know shit has gotten bad when even complaints lodged with your Congressional representative don’t unfuck things. Is it any wonder that guys have blown their brains out in despair in the parking lot of VA clinics? Hell it’s no wonder many of us just don’t bother.

Vice TV recently aired a story called “Abandoned at Home” and you might want to watch it (though it will piss you off). We don’t always agree with or even like what Vice puts out, but hey not everyone can be as consistently awesome as we are.

Now, realistically and seriously – is there any way to fix the VA?

There are absolutely some very caring, very dedicated VA personnel out there who want to help. We just haven’t met too many of them, and the ones we have met appear to be helpless in the face of incredible fucking entrenched ineptitude and bureaucracy.

“I just want what’s owed to me. I’m a young man, I’m capable of working. Just make me so I can work and I’ll leave you alone. You don’t have to pay me, no monthly stipend, you don’t have to pay me disability, just fix me so I can get back out and on with my life, that’s what I want.”  Curtis Shanley

Why we love the VA

images_Raven Concealment Systems

You can read and watch the Q&A that goes with the story here: https://news.vice.com/video/qa-with-disabled-iraq-war-veteran-curtis-shanley

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The Mad Duo are the most renowned, scholarly, door-kickingest action figures since...well, ever. They, their wretched minions and other abject flunkies are an improbable (and awesome) tale unto themselves. Read more about them here.

22 Comments

  1. Ansidian

    As I sit here on the toilet with my smart phone reading all of this, slightly buzzed from a rum and coke mixed by my teenage daughter, I feel my expertise is needed. See, I tried to join the military not once but three times, and due to shitty hearing was denied. I even tried cheat with a miracle ear implant to pass the test. So from the comfort of my armchair, I feel I can empathise with all of our vets. 37 years old with 5 kids living in a nice safe foreign country grants me unparalleled insight into a warrior psyche. Sure the VA sucks, but it could be worse right? I mean you could come back home to a small town where you’re a superstar getting blown by all the fat married cheerleaders you went to school with?! You could have older vets buying you six packs of beer and shaking your hand. Religious zealots wanting you to give a speech next Sunday at church about the evils of Islam. You know, all that NORMAL shit that people do? Why on earth would you want to be nobody, working a normal job raising a normal family and being normal? What’s wrong with you guys and gals? Take advantage of the tax paying pussies too scared to enlist, or protect hedgefund wankers from the evils of socialism! You earned it man. Too bad no one else thinks like you.

    Reply
  2. Mad Duo

    Benjamine is the same crazy fuck that was posting previous as “Simon”. He just created a new profile so he could start commenting stupid shit again.

    Reply
  3. Ryan Hey

    Benny Franklin; GO FUCK YOURSELF. remarks complete.

    Reply
  4. Brent Taylor

    Seems like you have a lot of animosity towards veterans, Ben. I wonder where this mentality comes from.

    I’m going out on a limb here but I bet you also hate movies that are universally loved. I bet you hate lots of things that most people like. You’re pretty much a hipster but more militant about it. In other words your opinion reflects who you are. You’re most likely a troll but if you’re not you probably have very few meaningful relationships in your life. The few people who will tolerate you probably wish you would just calm down.

    You’re going to go through a rough life, Ben. I hope it’s not too late for you.

    Reply
  5. Mad Matt

    Even though you spelled it wrong, I will not disgrace the name by using it to reply to a filthy piece of dog shit like yourself. There is so much to say, yet I’ll sum it up in two simple words you can understand:

    Kill Yourself.

    That is all.

    Reply
  6. Tommy T

    This fucking Guy….^ Ben Franklin

    This is obviously a 18 to 20 year

    old college punk, who knows nothing

    And has done nothing.

    Reply
  7. MyHeadExplodedLikeInScanners

    Guns kill people?

    Woah…

    Reply
  8. Jobber

    Mr. Benjamine…you naughty little troll.

    Reply
  9. Clint.

    You may want to go into hiding. Your best bet would be to move out of the U.S.

    Reply
  10. Donny

    From another civilian: ^ Fuck that guy.

    Carry on.

    Reply
  11. jaki best

    All of who go and fight for the country thay live in and give their life for.should get the help thay deserve..i think its a disgrace for all soldiers to be treated the way there treated.its beyond me.you guys fight for your country.not because you have to.because you want to…my prayers that you get the help you need.my god bless you with his hand.x

    Reply
  12. Sierra Tango Foxtrot Uniform

    Hey, Benjamin Franklin – may I call you BF? Your post, as offensive as it is, is brought to you by those very same “~baby eaters~” you so gleefully vilify. If you really had principles, you’d never use the resources presented to you by all of us blood-thirsty animals. Let me guess, you think you’re too smart to learn what life is all about? ‘Samatter, you can’t pull out from behind your keyboard? Or are you plum worn out from your all-night looting spree? Pull your head out, you look like a walking doughnut.

    Reply
  13. Angel Rivera

    Dear Ben, Sorry you turned out to be such a douche bag in life. I know I know…mommy didn’t hug you enough. It’s ok. Some have experienced such life experiences as well but they have found out that if they actually left the basement of their Mom’s house and went to a bar to socialize with another person, things would actually turn out differently for them. Sometimes… for the better!! Unless you ended up talking to a fat chic which most likely in your case would happen. Nevertheless…carry on Douche Bag.

    Reply
  14. Sean

    I feel pity for that ass clown who left that long comment. Aside from his failing grasp of English of course. He certainly is one uneducated and ignorant fellow. I can’t even get mad at the little leming. Go get ’em tiger! Also- Korea, Iraq, and Afghanistan were all declared wars.

    Reply
  15. Shanks

    Eat a bag of dicks you fucking douche. Time to leave the basement, Mommy says your PBJ is ready. Feel free to walk up to the next Marine or Army grunt you see and talk your shit, watch what happens. Pussy.

    Reply
  16. defensor fortismo

    Besides misspelling the names of statesmen in a failed attempt to be witty, remind us again, oh random Internet twat waffle what your qualifications are to name us pussies?

    Reply
  17. Benjamine Franklin

    Howdy military volunteers. I am sorry if you thought killing other people,who your on,t know, with no legal retribution, was all you wanted. Are you so deluded from video games that you thought waging war would be painless? Really? If you are alive, and still have a face left to talk with, than shut your pie-holes. You CHOSE to join. Are you donating money to any of the family members of the people you killed? I won’t bother to even assume you killed ” men”. 12 year old boys are not men. If you are afraid of a kid because he has a gun, maybe shoot the gun? Kids don’t kill people. Guns kill people. Air-dropping guns into a civil war is the stupidest fucking diplomatic action ever taken. What’s next? Perhaps Russia can air-drop guns on Chicago. I hear that there is a lot of violence these days in Chicago. More gun deaths per week than Baghdad. So why the fuck should any volunteer murderer expect to receive ANY medical care. A better commander would have left your unit in a box, with short ammo and a bad comm-link. Then you bunch of wounded pussies wouldn’t be begging for Vicodin. Maybe you should have made friends with the locals, and brought about 50 pounds of raw opium back with you. Then you would not need the V.A. You current Veterans need to get a grip. The V.A. exists only to help WWII Veterans. Every Veteran since has gotten the shaft. Why? Because you never went to war. Every military engagement since we dropped two A-Bombs has been “Police actions”. Even the Korean War was never a legally declared war. I sure hope that clears up any delusions you had about actually being a “War Veteran”. What you should be doing is educating high-school age kids NOT to Volunteer away their Constitutional rights. Really, unless you feel there is an actual threat to our Constitution, that is the ONLY time to volunteer to fight to the death. Hey, nobody has threatened our Constitution more than the Patriot Act. The people who implemented and enacted that into Law are the only enemy to MY County. How stupid can you be to fight for a Country that doesn’t give a fuck about you? So you killed people. Now, you suffer. Watch me, and 300 million other Americans not give a shit. The entire World knows that the Pentagon was easily attacked. Why would my Countries Military be able to protect anybody? They can’t even protect themselves.

    Reply
    • A-Aron Balakey

      I fucked Benjamine Franklin’s mom. In the parking lot of my local VA clinic.

      Reply
    • pacoeltaco

      Howdy, Benjamine,

      Where did you get the idea that volunteers in our armed forces did so because they were “deluded from video games”? Korea, Vietnam, and Operation Dessert Storm, were comprised primarily of volunteers – and they were all pre-video games. Could you explain why you think that our armed forces are deluded by the violence of video games? Do you have research to support this?

      Killing 12-year old boys: Where did you read about this? Please, share links to reputable news organizations that report this.

      “Kids don’t kill people. Guns kill people.” This is a contradiction. If a kid, whether 3, 12, or 18, has a gun in his hand, pulls the trigger, and takes a life, the child has killed the person. Inanimate objects are generally incapable of making life-ending decisions. Unless you’re deferring all blame for all things that kill to the things, and not the people.

      “volunteer murderer”: you think that those who volunteer for the military are murderers? Soldiers who commit murder – just like civilians, and even police officers – go to jail when they commit murder.

      Murder is the unlawful, premeditation to take an individual’s life. In the justice system, killing and murder are differentiated with a principle called ‘mens rea’, which is the ‘intending mind’. Intent is so crucial in classifying murder that our legal system creates ‘degrees’ of homicide: vehicular, 2nd degree, 1st degree.

      A soldier, or a police officer, pulling the trigger of his gun is not doing so with the intent of taking the life of a person. He or she does so because there is an imminent threat, and they intend to neutralize the threat. Regardless of that threat being 12, 20, or 120, if that threat has a loaded gun pointed at you or someone around you, you want to neutralize that threat.

      Officers and soldiers are not trained to murder; they are trained to identify threats and neutralize them.

      “The V.A. exists only to help WWII Veterans”. Nope, not in their mission statement. This may be your perception, but this is not the stated purpose for this agency’s existence.

      “Every Veteran since has gotten the shaft”. Yeah, pretty much.

      “What you should be doing is educating high-school age kids NOT to Volunteer away their Constitutional rights”. Solid point. I have no problem encouraging kids to stop becoming lawyers, lobbyists, and politicians.

      ” Really, unless you feel there is an actual threat to our Constitution, that is the ONLY time to volunteer to fight to the death”

      Ahh, so you’re a die-hard libertarian. that’s fine, so am I. I, too, believe that the government should use the military to respond to immediate threats to the safety of our state. But if someone wants to volunteer in our military because they believe that they can do our country a service, then why shouldn’t they?

      “Hey, nobody has threatened our Constitution more than the Patriot Act.” I dunno. Liberals might make a run for your money.

      “How stupid can you be to fight for a Country that doesn’t give a f*** about you? “

      Dude, you don’t get it. It isn’t about your “country”. It’s about the people who live in it. These soldiers that have lost time with their loved ones, limbs, and lives didn’t make those sacrifices for governments and laws. They made those sacrifices for people, and principles.

      You see, our soldiers learned something that you didn’t: it’s not about you. It’s about something bigger than your world. It’s not about being able to sit at home and play modern warfare 45. It’s not about invasions of privacy. It isn’t about whether the pentagon was attacked.

      It’s about the fact that roughly 2% of America’s population has the balls to go where others are afraid. 2% of our citizens will go to a country where the citizens are begging for freedom from tyranny, and lay down their lives for them. 2% of our citizens risk limb so that people might have a chance at liberty.

      TL;DR

      You sound like an 16-year old whose balls just dropped after finishing a 26-hour Modern Warfare tournament.

      Next time, try using words to communicate a single thought. Collect that thought into a sentence, which uses proper punctuation. When you have a collection of sentences that communicate an idea, hit that “Return” key on your keyboard. It’s right next to the ‘ button.

      Try communicating ideas, rather than a stream of consciousness from a 13-year-old hopped up on Red Bull that read his first HuffPo article.

      Reply
      • Bambina

        I love the response. Gets me all turned on and motivated and shit.

        Reply
    • Edward Johnson

      There are a lot of points I could make to refute your obnoxious comment. But I really don’t think you are worth the time. Instead I’ll just say this; Go fuck yourself you pathetic, basement dwelling, unwashed disgusting bag of shit.

      Reply
    • Rob

      If only idiocy were painful you’d never walk again or type another word.

      Reply

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