Meet our Newest Contributor: Candice Horner

candice horner
April 16, 2015  
Categories: Assorted Ramblings

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ALCON: Please join us in welcoming our newest Contributor (hopefully soon a Minion). That’s right, there’s a new member on the team and she [supposedly] has lady parts and everything. Mad Duo


Meet our Newest Minion: Candice Horner

The latest member of the never-reticent always-reckless Island-of-Misfit-Toys Breach Bang Clear writing amalgamation is (imagine a drumroll here)…Candice Horner. Start your caviling and contravening because yes, she’s AFM1. That is: Another Fucking Marine (we swear that if we put two or more of them in a room it becomes all Oorah-Chesty-Puller-Port Hole-Hathcock-Ladderwell, but fortunately we have a Klingon translator). A prior federal LEO and current Registered Nurse, Candice also brings special skills to the table our current minions don’t, such as the ability to properly ensconce an IV after a long night of drinking (some of our minions are CLS trained, but that usually equates to missing the stick 14 times before giving up).

Grunts: Amalgamation.


Like any good Marine NCO, she can spit shine boots better than a seasoned fluffer can suck, roll sleeves tight enough to make a tourniquet envious, and yell loud enough to bring a grown man to tears.

Did we mention she can shoot?


Candice is an enthusiastic hunter, outdoorsman (outdoorswoman?), writer (writress?), and accomplished competitive shooter. We know you’re going to enjoy the perspective and prose she brings to the table.

candice003 candice004

Although some may contend that we have her on the team simply for prurient reasons, that isn’t the case: we’re also trying to get War Sport LVOA‘s at a discount. True story.

1We’re trying like hell to get Army combat veteran Mike Durand (Red 2 Alpha) to write for us on a regular basis so we have another Soldier and trying to cajole Mike Kupari (an AF EOD combat veteran) to do the same so we have another Airman, but so far no joy. One of these days we’ll add a Coastie and a Squid, we just haven’t met the right one yet.

Stand by for further from Candice.



Mad Duo, Breach-Bang& CLEAR!

Comms Plan

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Emergency: Activate firefly, deploy green (or brown) star cluster, get your wank sock out of your ruck and stand by ’til we come get you.


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Mad Duo

Mad Duo

About the Author

The Mad Duo are the most renowned, scholarly, door-kickingest action figures since...well, ever. They, their wretched minions and other abject flunkies are an improbable (and awesome) tale unto themselves. Read more about them here.


  1. JESullivan

    MY kind of Marine … like ol’ Chief Dan George in Josey Wales inferred, she’s lucky I’m too old to catch her!! Or perhaps vice versa.. just the same, welcome aboard! Oorah, Semper Fi and all that shit!! Carry on, I’ll be watchin…

  2. Scott

    Sportin War Sport gear no less. Classy!

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