Guns don't kill people: men with beards do

Guns don’t kill people: men with beards do.

We figured it was time to repost some of our Men with beards memes, though most of you already know the simple fact displayed therein.

You’ll note the poor bastard in the picture does not have a beard; there’s a reason for that (see below).

Men with Beards shirt

Warning: The Men with beards t-shirt cannot be worn by hipsters or libtards. It will seriously cause them to burst into flames. These shirts are woven of double rectified face kevlar, hewn in tiny, precious, deadly bits with a tomahawk recently honed on the petrified bones of a boss T-Rex. The whiskers are taken from the chin ghillies of assorted badasses engaged in mirth, mayhem and/or direct action while the smell of cordite and burnt insurgent still lingers in the air. You can see one of our generous donors above, fresh back from slaughtering irhabist cannibals and preparing to grow our next shirt with his face – you’ll no doubt note how vulnerable he looks without his face kevlar, will hopefully prompt you to purchase one.

In any case, the collected hairs of those warrior beards are then beaten by buxom, scantily clad maidens until soft as silk using war hammers blessed by Hephaestus, Ilmarinen and Vulcan in turn (and in that order). They are then rinsed in a solution of pacifist hippie tears prepared by boiling over a fire built from the wood of a recently hugged tree and imbued with essence of Einherjar, woven into cloth by naked REDheads and finally sewn into a garment using chobham armor thread infused with minotaur semen.

The result is a garment utterly suitable for anyone embarking upon the wrathful delivery of Liberty and the vanquishing of evil (or even righteous world conquest, though we frown upon the idea).

You can get your Guns don’t kill people – men with beards do shirt right here.

Note: we weren’t fucking around about the spontaneous combustion. If you wear skinny jeans, one of those white belts with shiny stuff on it or have any issue whatsoever with justified, well-delivered bloodshed, do not put on this shirt. You will no kidding burn to a crisp, right there. You might even shit yourself first.

If you don’t support Breach-Bang-Clear by getting a shirt, the terrorists might very well win.

images_Men_with_beards1 images_Men_with_beards2 images_beards22 images_beards23 images_beards13 Bearded soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan: face kevlar. Guns don't kill people, men with beards do. images_Men_with_beards5

There’s a reason all the bouncers at Nancy’s Squat’n’Gobble have a beard and wear one of these shirts.images_Men_with_beards3

Men With Beards shirt 2

You can find all of our shirt designs, patches and assorted loot at

Mad Duo Over

8 thoughts on “Guns don't kill people: men with beards do

  • October 29, 2014 at 3:01 am

    Can’t grow a beard either (that would take me AGES, and would just look ridiculous…). Will this shirt compensate or make my tactical beard grow faster (and more important ALL OVER my face, not just a tiny Zorro moustache and Elvis-like sideburns…) ?

  • October 26, 2014 at 1:20 am

    Couldn’t order a shirt wouldn’t except my email?

  • October 25, 2014 at 6:53 pm

    Some of us can’t grow beards (alopecia universalis), Doesn’t make us less capable to kill whoever needs killing when needs arise. I hope I never have to but I fear the way the nation and world is heading these days that it is a wishful dream.

    • October 25, 2014 at 7:01 pm

      Thank your parents for not being from Sparta

      • October 25, 2014 at 7:19 pm

        Hah, I am from a Norwegian/German/Slavic background…I envy those braided viking beards!

  • September 8, 2014 at 1:42 am

    Probably my favorite article yet.

  • August 20, 2014 at 11:25 pm

    IDK… I tasted my shirt and I call bullshit on the minotaur semen. False advertising.


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