Here at Breach-Bang-Clear, we are no stranger to scaled-in-size things. Hell, we get bossed around by two 12″ tall action figures on the regular. We have known about Goat Guns miniature guns for a while now but the Duo demanded we get a few to see what is what. We’ll be upfront—if you buy them from links here, we will get some money.
What are Goatguns?
Miniature Guns With Huge Functionality
These don’t throw projectiles of any kind, but they do just about everything else. Plus, they’ll sure look badass next to your computer monitor.
The pics below will take you to Goatguns on GunDeals or Amazon.
We were impressed with the number of actual moving parts on these things. Most actually function or operate like the real ones (meaning charging handles, magazines and the like – they don’t shoot anything). Hell, you can load the mags with itty-bitty bullets!
Goatguns History Lesson
The story of goatgun miniature guns in their own words.
Backlog: GoatGuns began early 2017 in Utah, USA. The owner is a big fan of historic and modern day firearms but never had the money to build the dream vault collection. Growing up on FPS video games, he had the idea to bring to life what you see in FPS games. Knowing that in-game gun ‘skins’ become irrelevant after the launch of a new title, we created miniature models that last for years. Now anyone can afford to build the ‘Greatest of All Time’ collection and display it on their desk.
What: GoatGuns are authentic miniature die cast metal models. Each model has functioning parts but cannot shoot. They range between 4″ to 16″ in length and 6-16 ounces in weight.
How: To be historically accurate, Sarge gets the exact plans and shrinks them down to one-third scale. Mold creation can be meticulous and typically lasts between 10 to 18 months of refining.
Mission: It is our mission to bring the Greatest Of All Time Guns into the palm of your hands. We also proudly solute and giveback to our Veterans. The Sarge likes to have a little fun along the way and hopes you’ll join.
Miniature Guns
Another example is their Charky M4A1 with Marine Corps emblem on the magazine well has a whole whack of tiny parts. The suppressor and sight attach to the rifle, the stock has three positions, the bolt moves, the magazine release works, the magazine can hold a few dummy rounds, the slip ring removes the handguards…
Damn, that’s far cooler than a stupid fidget spinner!
How about getting your Saudi Royal on with a Gold AK-47? You can’t tell us this wouldn’t look good next to that nice fountain pen you never use. At least you’re being honest when you buy miniature guns.
Perhaps you want to go with that old school cool Capone style desk ornament, so you can chomp on your cigar and throw back a snort of Canadian Whiskey. The Tommyboy Mini Thompson is one of our favorite looking for sure.
They have a few other guns, including a Dragunov an, AUG and even an Accuracy International bolt gun. They’re smaller than your Spyderco Native and make for a perfect anachronistic addition to your knight helmet decanter set!
We’ve already picked a few of these up to give out to some of our subjects for their hard work and will likely do so again.
You have to reward the smallfolk sometimes.
Goat Guns “Goldilocked” Gold AK47
What you see in the pics below is the gold AK 47 I’m assembling here at the Breach-Bang-Clear Thyle ultima (-ish) farthest north outpost.
MINIATURE GOLD AK47 MODEL
NICKNAMED ‘GOLDILOCKED’ | 1:3 SCALE GOLD AK-47 MODEL
Rich. Sweet. Coated in carats. 1947 just got a Golden makeover by Sgt. Gunner. Hands down the most famous of all time, the Avtomat Kalashnikova produced in 1947 has been all around the world and now into your hands as an 11″ model.
We got a gold AK-47 because everyone needs a trophy AK-47 on their desk. I mean if Saddam Hussein, the cartels, and anyone with way more money than me can have a real gold AK-47 on their shelf why cant I have a tiny fake one on mine.
They do a really impressive job with all the little parts. Some of the rifle even goes together a bit like a real AK-47. They could have made it entirely go together like a real gun, but the small parts would have made the price unobtainable for the average person, and a few of the parts would be super fragile.
Not to mention all the moving parts they have in 1:3 scale (that the Duo don’t get being 1:6 scale). So far on the AK the selector, magazine release, rear sight, and trigger move. The elevation adjustment on the rear sight doesn’t work, however, it is just hinged at the front. The cleaning rod is the hardest part of the entire AK-47 build and it’s not difficult—just requires a bit more effort than the other parts.
The recoil spring and guide fit in just like the real gun and the bolt moves although there is no piston assembly attached. Still super cool and since it is metal it makes a nice clink.
The top cover actually uses the button on the spring guide which we thought was nice to see. A large part of this gun is actually made from metal giving it a nice feel in the hand.
The magazine actually works and the rifle comes with 3 little brass bullets. Don’t fear you can get more on the Goat Guns website along with many other accessories like a golden drum mag.
As you can see the magazine actually locks in using the magazine release and it comes with a pretty cool stand to help you display your new mini rifle. Why not piss off your anti-gun coworker with one of these on your desk. Or just have fun spending a few minutes building one of these. Melissa got one too and she was really excited to build one for her desk at work. More on that one later. For now, if this or other small guns might tickle your fancy check out Goat Guns and see what other cool stuff that they have in stock.
SPECS (manufacturer provided):
Custom-made Gold AK47 miniature model. Some parts are interchangeable, such as adding a suppressor on the barrel. Here is your chance to get the favorite item in FPS video games; the Gold AK.
- Coated in Pure Gold paint + wood grain acrylic plastic
- Bolt cycles
- Magazine with functioning release
SIZE AND COLOR
- This Gold bad boy is a full 11″ in length when assembled. It is 1:3 Scale size (28cm) of a normal AK. It is gold painted on die cast metal with wood plastic grain stock and handles. Goldilocked weighs in at 12 ounces.
GETTING STARTED
- Assembly is required. Expect 5 to 15 minutes. Instructions are provided.
This is another one of our attempts to make obscure references, bury Easter eggs in our articles, and in general, make people — especially the grunts — shake their heads at our pedantic and pretentious sciolism. In this case, we’re referring to ultima Thule in the early, early almost-mythological sense. Like how it’s used in Isidore of Seville’s Etymologies, or better yet, the way Virgil meant it in Georgics.
But you probably already knew that.
Thyle ultima is an island of the Ocean in the northwestern region, beyond Britannia, taking its name from the sun, because there the sun makes its summer solstice, and there is no daylight beyond (ultra) this. Hence its sea is sluggish and frozen. Isidore of Seville
Grunts: sciolism
By a route obscure and lonely,
Edgar Allan Poe
Haunted by ill angels only,
Where an Eidolon, named Night,
On a black throne reigns upright.
I have reached these lands but newly
From an ultimate dim Thule –
From a wild weird clime, that lieth, sublime,
Out of Space – out of Time.
..concilia, incertum est, urbisne invisere, Caesar,
Publius Vergilius Maro
terrarumque velis curam et te maximus orbis
auctorem frugum tempestatumque potentem
accipiat, cingens materna tempora myrto,
an deus inmensi venias maris ac tua nautae
30numina sola colant, tibi serviat ultima Thule…
That’s a nice office accessory.
The guys at GoatGuns should realize that this is an AK74, not an AK47 though.