“They say he was once a knight, before the war against the Dreadites…” They’re talking, of course, about Deathstalker 2025, a fantasy movie that channels all the worst parts of those cult classic 80s movies that were so wonderfully terrible.

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

What’s the movie called again, you ask? Glad you asked.

If you thought Dungeons & Dragons 2: Wrath of Dragon God was good, or really admired Jason Statham’s performance in that Dungeon Siege Tale flick, then you are gonna love Deathstalker 2025. Probably.

Deathstalker 2025

The movie stars Daniel Bernhardt in the titular role. Presumably that’s because they couldn’t afford Jon Hamm, and Marc Singer is at least a hundred years old now, but it looks like he’s pulling the role off with all the gravitas and emotion the character deserves…

So here’s the deal: The Kingdom of Abraxeon is under siege by the Dreadites—heralds of the long-dead sorcerer, Nekromemnon, and not at all to be mistaken for the Kandarian Deadites of Army of Darkness. The names and plot lines are like something from a 6th-grader’s DnD campaign, and the special effects are almost as good as Highlander II: The Quickening, but with a healthy dash of really badly imitated Frank Frazetta thrown in.

If that’s not enough to convince you to watch it, well…you’re probably the sort of pretentious snob that turned up his nose at Mongolian Death Worm.

Anyway, this is the official description of Deathstalker 2025:

The Kingdom of Abraxeon is under siege by the Dreadites, heralds of the long-dead sorcerer Nekromemnon. When Deathstalker recovers a cursed amulet from a corpse-strewn battlefield, he’s marked by dark magick and hunted by monstrous assassins. To survive, he must break the curse and face the rising evil. Death is just the beginning… of great adventure!

Hell yeah. Dark magick, assassins, necromancers and monster-assassins? The only thing it’s missing is a scantily-clad princess who’s going to catch her death of cold. Other than that, this is definitely a Shit Show to be watched.

Watch it now or order your DVD/Blu-Ray on Amazon.

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As always, bonus points to whoever gets the references and/or Easter eggs.

Enter BANG7 at checkout to save a few bucks.