Today’s article was brought to you in its entirety by EOTech, a member of Joint Task Force Awesome
Part 1 of this series is mandatory reading. Mad Duo
Talkin’ Strayin’, Part Two: F-S
Hopefully you enjoyed A-E of my guide to Talkin’ Strayin’. I’ll pick up where we left off, and get stuck into it with the F-words. But first some errata from the peanut gallery:
- Divvy-van – Abbreviation of Police Divisional van. A paddy wagon. They are typically built up with a reinforced, enclosed caged cab on the back and used in place of a police cruiser for crowd control. “You’re going home in the back of a divvy-van!”
- Bagsie – It’s (apparently) pronounced “bagsie”, not bags.
- Chuck – An overarm throw.
- Bastard/cunt – Can be terms of affection but shouldn’t be attempted unless you’ve known the bastard or cunt at least twenty years.
- Drop bear – A blood-thirsty koala variant, much like a Chupacabra. Drops from trees onto hikers. Repelled by Vegemite worn on the face and behind the ears. “You’d have to be one mad bastard to go hiking up by Hanging Rock. If the aliens don’t getcha, the drop bears sure would. Here, take this axe.”
- Digger – An Australian or New Zealander serviceman. “The Diggers rolled into town and that was it. The pub was full, the bottle-O got emptied, the town went dry. Disaster!”
- Dinger – Rather archaic term for condom. Be warned, we call pencil erasers “rubbers” so if you’re asked for one around a map table, it’s more likely some 2nd leftenant made a boo-boo rather than asking for a prophylactic. You never know your luck, though.
Again, don’t be scared of the naughty words. It’s not like they’re drop bears or hoop snakes.
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- Fag – A cigarette, not a gay fella. “Mate, I’ve been stuck in this school dance recital for hours. I’m dying for a fag.”
- Fella– A dude. A male person. Contraction of “fellow”. Added to “black” as a suffix to indicate native Australian aboriginals (we don’t refer to the indigenous peoples as African-Australians, because they’re not. They’re from here. First Australians is more commonly used). “Those fellas from level seven are the biggest bludgers in the whole department. Make us look good, that’s sayin’ something.”
- Fanny – Female genitals, not your butt. A fanny pack is generally called a “bum bag,” but fanny pack will be understood (with snickering). “So Davo and this Sheila were boffing on the pool-table right there in the pub, in the middle of the storm, and all the sudden she yells out ‘no, you’re not putting it back in my fanny after you chalk it up, ya drongo.’ “
- Flog – To steal. Petty theft, i.e., shoplifting. “So, this couch? Hard-waste salvage. Shelves? Built it from scratch. Flogged the wood from that building site up the road. And the nails from Bunnings. The turntable was my granddad’s. I’m a dead-set legend.”
- Fit to be tied – Crazy, very angry, furious. “We were coasting down the river, couple of lines on the water when Davo decides he needs a fresh beer. The dag stands up in the tinney, goes for a rummage in the Esky, overbalanced and tips us all in the drink. All the beer, the days catch and our gear goes floating off down the river. I tell you what, I was fit to be tied.”
- Fair suck of the sausage – To be given a fair chance. Not a euphemism for fellatio. “At the end of the third quarter we were fourteen down, so I said to the coach, “Mate, fair suck of the sausage, put me in.” And he was all, “What’s the worst that can happen? On ya go, ya battler.”
- Fair go – To be given a fair chance. Australian culture is very strong on having a go, giving any task a try. More importantly, is the giving of the chance to do so. Ours is a culture of “Sure mate, I’ll hold your beer, you give it a fair go.”
- Fuck – Just what you think. Also can be used in place of punctuation, up to and including hyphenation. “Absolutely-the-fucking-not you can’t you pissant little fucking fuck-knuckle! That’s a fucking one way street. No fucking way!”
- Frig – Cut rate, nanna-safe version of “fuck”. “What the frig do you think you’re doing with that? Get it away from the fire before you do yourself a friggin’ injury.”
- Golden – Good, perfect exactly as needed. ” Just need to get the steaks on the barbie and the salad onto the table and we’re golden!”
- Good On ya. – Well done, congratulations. Sometimes sarcastic. “Well, you’ve burnt the steaks now. Good on ya.”
- How’s this? – Sarcastic rhetorical observation. For example, in the midst of a massive thunder storm asking, “How about this rain then?”
- Hoon – Pejorative for a recklessly speeding driver. “This drongo in a Camaro comes up to us at the lights, revving and waving at us wanting a race. The lights change and off he goes tyres smoking, right past the cops who rolled up as the traffic cameras were flashing. Idiot hoons.”
- Goon – Cheap wine from a silver bag in a box. Adolescents’ and students’ choice. The silver bag is also called a goon bag. The empty bag makes an excellent drunk pillow. “Right there in the parking lot of Maccas was Davo’s little brother, Stevo, with a bag of goon in each hand, spinnin’ around. We called him over so he wouldn’t get run over by some hoon, he makes it halfway before he spews all over his own shoes and one of the goon bags.”
- “Get this up ya” – An offer of food or drink, or other consumable. “Strewth, how bout that dust storm, hey? Come in and shut the storm shutters [pffsst- a can opens] and get this up ya.”
- Gobbie – Fellatio. Derivative of “gob,” slang for mouth, as in “Shut yer gob, ya numpty”. “So, me and Darlene were boffing in the park behind the stadium, and the cops rolled up. All flashlights and calling our parents, and they decided to take us home. Piled the two of us into the back of the divvy-van. Best gobbie I ever had.”
- I’m not here to fuck spiders – Sarcastic comment when someone states the obvious. Bartender: “Get you a beer, mate?” Me, covered in dust and sweating: “Well, I’m not here to fuck spiders.”
- knock shop – Brothel, usually an illegal, suburban one. “It turns out that Bon Jovi’s ‘Blood on Blood’ isn’t a good guide for how to negotiate with sex workers. And that is how we got laughed out of that Knock-shop on Drysburgh Street.”
- Knackered – To be gelded, more commonly, tired to the point of exhaustion. “After she climbed out of bed and got dressed, she turned to me and said, ‘If you’re not too knackered, I think Davo’s sister thought you were a bit of all right too. Shall I send her in?’ Best birthday camping trip ever!”
- Mad bastard – Praise, usually for outlandish reckless behaviour, regardless of success. “The wave dumps him, he comes up spluttering, hops back on his board before the rip gets him. Someone up the beach sees some seaweed in the water and yells, “Shark!” So this mad bastard hops up on his board, pulls a dive knife from his ankle and waves it about yelling ‘afix bayonets!’ “
- MacCa’s – Abbreviation of MacDonalds. Micky-D’s isn’t a term used here. “After the birthday piss-up I legitimaly was knackered, so on the drive home we wanted to stop for a bunnings sausage sizzle. No joy, so perfect time for a MacCa’s-run.”
- Maggoted – Very very drunk, rotten drunk. “Trying to get this MacCa’s run sorted and get everyone’s orders, and Davo calls out from under the bean-bags, ‘Large Hawaiian and a frozen coke.’ Cunt was still so maggoted he thought we were doing a pizza run, not burgers.”
- Mate – Generic form of address, synonymous with buddy, fella, dude, bro. Can be endearing or demeaning depending on tone. “Mate, you okay in there? We heard a noise and now there’s water coming out from under the door. Do we need to call a plumber, mate? Mate, he’s fucked it.”
- Nah-yeah – I disagree with you. But yes I hear and understand you, I just disagee. “Nah-yeah, I can see the sign. I’m still going in, who’s afraid of a few old ‘quarantine, restricted area‘ signs? It’s hot, I want to go for a swim.”
- On the Piss – with Piss being a slang term for booze, being “on the piss” means going on a bender ….
- **-O – Suffix to add a layer of casual familiarity of address. David becomes Dave-o. Stephen becomes Steve-o. see also Bottle-o and serve-o
- Pissed – drunk or angry. “I was on the piss for hours, i was so pissed I was well passed maggotted. when I finally got home, boy, was my dad pissed with me!”
- Prawn – what shrimp really are when they grow up. At least finger length.
- Sick as – High praise, often for something frivolous or ridiculous. “Look at the cerakote on this bad boy. Full Mandalorian with racing-stripe for pew pew power! It’s fully fuckin’ sick as, mate!”
- Serve-o – Abbreviation of “service-station,” a gas/petrol-station. “Pull into the servo on the way back from the bottle-o after the MacCa’s run, I need some fags.”
- She’ll be right. – Platitude, equivalent to “Everything will be alright.”
- Smoke-o – Smoke break. “Can you watch the shop for five, I’m going for a smoke-o.”
- Sickie – Sick day from school/work. Often illegitimate. “After I polished off the last of the prawns from Davo’s barbie, I knew I’d made mistakes and would have to chuck a sickie the next day.”
- Sick cunt – High Praise, or at least respect for poor or foolish behavior. A step up from “mad bastard. “
- Shrimp – delicious pinkie-finger at most sized crustaceans, good on pizza. See Prawn.
- Snag – a sausage. used as cheep BBQ food, the humble snag is an integral part of Aussie cuisine. Equivalent to the All American wiener hot-dog, the snag is a pork and beef mince blend, usually of a very fine consistency. “Prawns? stuff that, get some snags on the barbie, mate ….”
and, as before, to help you practice, here are some real examples, in action!
Mad Duo, Breach-Bang& CLEAR!
Emergency: Activate firefly, deploy green (or brown) star cluster, get your wank sock out of your ruck and stand by ’til we come get you.