Offensive Morale Patches Too Good Not To Buy

Offensive morale patches, lewd morale patches, however you define them...they're as awesome as they are inappropritate.
December 3, 2023  
|  5 Comments
Categories: Gear Curious

Every gun owner or just tactically inclined person has to love morale patches (or is bound to, eventually). All of our MOLLE bags, hats, and vests would look bare without a little spice. And speaking of spice, some of the best patches have some special flair, perfect to add to your tactical patch collection (or to start one). 

An offensive morale patch you can award to someone else: the Asshole Merit Badge patch.

An offensive morale patch you can award to someone else: the Asshole Merit Badge patch. (You can wear it yourself too, of course.)

Whether your taste is for the delightfully offensive morale patch or the more lewd morale patches, you’ll likely find something perfect on this list. They’re among the most popular and least expensive tactical accessories you can buy. 

Offensive Morale Patches

1. Fuck Off

Offensive morale patches: "Fuck off"

Short and sweet, because sometimes that’s all that needs to be said. [tacticalshit.com patches]

Just keep it plain and simple. Maybe you’re not a people person, or maybe you just say it how it is. This patch is perfect for the abrasive patch fiend. The bomb adds an extra flare, not to mention it’s also glow-in-the-dark.

You can buy this patch here.

2. Because FUCK YOU

because fuck you that's why (an example of a vulgar morale patch we like)

No need to explain yourself; let your patch do it for you. [tacticalshit.com patches]

Here’s the patch you need if number one didn’t get the message through. Sometimes ‘Why?’ is the absolute wrong response, so in that case, just point at this patch and smile. Because no, you don’t always need an explanation.

You can buy this patch here for two color options or here for glow-in-the-dark.

3. The wheels on the bus go…

Go fuck yourself patch: the wheels on the bus

Yes, you have to sing it. [tacticalshit.com patches]

Fit with a wholesome illustration featuring five smiling faces, this patch is yet again, a great way to convey your perfect message. Sometimes a simple ‘fuck you’ isn’t enough and needs a little pizzazz.

You can buy it here.

4. Never go full retard patch (libtard version)

never go full libtard

Anyone can get a chuckle out of this infamous meme and classic movie line. [Stinking Patch Store patches]

Tropic Thunder’s never go full retard patch meets the modern ‘libtard’ meme with this patch. This meme specifically references a moment from 2016, where a woman screamed “no” repeatedly as former President Donald Trump was sworn in. This combination is truly a match made in heaven.

You can buy a full libtard patch here.

 

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5. Sweet, sweet sugar

sugar tits inappropriate morale patch

Saying it without saying it. [shop.tacticalshit.com]

This patch is a hilarious innuendo to ‘sugar tits’ without blatantly saying it, featuring two bags of sugar in a corset. If you have a dirty sense of humor and love some clever wordplay, consider this patch for your collection.

Buy this patch here.

6. Salty Bitch

dont be a salty bitch

Some are so salty you could taste it. [Amazon.com]

Your Morale patches are bound to get attention, some positive, some negative. If negative, make sure to keep this one handy. No one likes a salty attitude, especially when they put their nose in your business as the cause. The Morton salt design makes this patch all the better.

Don’t be a salty bitch! 

Buy this patch here.

 

John Wick patches have become immensely popular over the last couple of years, though they’re not particularly offensive or lewd. Check these out. 

John Wick patches and decals have become very popular over the last few years.

John Wick patches tend to have a common theme… “With a fucking pencil!” 😂 [Neo Tactical Gear on Amazon]

This PVC morale patch from Patch Lab is one of the more popular John Wick patches available on Amazon.

This “Hitman” PVC morale patch from Patch Lab is one of the more popular John Wick patches available on Amazon.

 

Another central theme to John Wick patches: BABA YAGA.

Another central theme to John Wick patches: BABA YAGA. [Neo Tactical Gear on Amazon]

 
7. Rated R

restricted r rating warning

The perfect product warning to add to your vest or bag to pair with just about any other offensive patch. [Amazon.com]

This glow-in-the-dark patch gives a warning for the rest. If you have a sailor’s mouth, bad habits, and/or an offensive sense of humor this patch is for you. The patch warns:

“Restricted rating warning. Extreme use of guns and knives, strong consumption of coffee, beer and other alcoholic beverages, consumption of tobacco products and the occasional use of cannabis. May hold strong political opinions with extensive use of the “F” word or variations of, strong language may cuss and offend others at any time.

Not held responsible for your feelings.”

Buy this patch here.

8. Because FUCK YOU, That’s why

flipping the bird fuck you patch (PIG gloves)

No words are needed. [shop.tacticalshit.com]

Not one for words? Take up some handy American sign language to cuss someone out effectively. The gloved hand even comes in two colors depending on your gear or career of choice: coyote (tan) and swat (black).

Buy this patch here.

9. Unicorns ARE real!

unicorn with middle finger as a head

The perfect way to tell someone to fuck off, but magically. [Amazon.com]

Unicorns are for everyone, not just kids–especially for this patch. Keep your vest or bag magical with this offensive unicorn fitted with a head-hand flipping off the viewer with a rainbow shooting out behind. Who said morale patches couldn’t be pretty?

Buy this patch here.

10. Pork eating crusader patch

pork eating crusader patch

It’s even translated to make it even easier to communicate. [shop.tacticalshit.com]

Combine a love for knights (including crusaders) and show that, unlike certain extremists, you’re willing to eat pork (just like a crusader). This patch came out around the time the United States first became heavily involved in GWOT-era operations in the Middle East. Depending upon your background, this is arguably one of the most offensive morale patches on the list. 

Buy this patch here, available in three colors.

11. Learning about the birds and the bees

fighting wokeness with offensive morale patches: boys have a penis girls have a uterus

Elementary lessons for the simple person. [shop.tacticalshit.com]

Some people need a basic lesson in anatomy, so why not make it clear and easy to learn at all times?

Buy this patch here.

12. Hello my name is:

offensive morale patches: "hello my name is domestic terrorist"

Have a name like no other! [shop.tacticalshit.com]

As described on their website, this patch is based on recent events:

“In 2021 & 2022 parents who vocally opposed agenda driven politics within classrooms were labeled DVEs by the government. Parents generally introduce themselves when attending school board meeting, thus the “HELLO” sticker.”

So, if you, too, are against agenda-driven politics in the classroom, this patch is meant to be.

Buy this patch here.

More reading: 

 

Have any suggestions for us? Leave ’em in the comments below. We reckon offensive morale patches definitely have their place. Probably much more so, in fact, than NKA patches.  

 

What’s a Morale Patch?

These are no ordinary patches. Morale patches, also known as battle patches, have a deep-rooted history in the military. Military patches like these are said to have originated in the US Army during World War I and were originally intended to be used to identify specific divisions due to the unique design of each formation, similar to the guidons and unit insignia that have been around for many years. This often ranged from as high as the brigade or division level all the way down to localized “unofficial” units.

The term “morale patch” came about during the Vietnam War, where instead of specific division signifiers or professional symbols, they became crude, sarcastic, delivered an insult, or made a potentially offensive statement. Many of these (and many more in later conflicts) were nothing more than a crudely sewn, embroidered patch with a motto, unofficial insignia, or snarky phrases on it. This often served as an unofficial protest or political commentary a soldier would not otherwise be able to make (the same thing was seen to a lesser extent in the Rhodesian Bush War and other so-called “small wars.”)

The following selection includes both embroidered and some printed on PVC with Velcro or hook and loop backings. This way everyone from Joe Blow with a sense of humor and MILSIM airsofters to doorkickers deployed overseas can switch them out, display or wear, rearrange, trade, symbolize a particular combat action, or whatever.

You’ll also see them plastered all over tactical gear, even in cases where military personnel or first responders aren’t able to wear them on their uniforms. 

Though former military members were already aware of morale patches (like locally sewn unit insignia in South Korea, for instance), they weren’t introduced to the civilian market en masse until the 1990s. In today’s world, millions of enthusiasts around the world love to create, collect, and wear them. Pride and camaraderie aren’t unique to just the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps, or Coast Guard. Well, and now the Space Force.

Put ’em on the sleeve of your jacket, the outside of your backpack, sometimes a military uniform, or whatever.

 

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Mad Duo

Mad Duo

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5 Comments

  1. Reader

    Offensive???
    M.A.N. Up

  2. Agaricus Bisporus

    “Just sayin'” is something dicks say when they’ve said something dickish because they think it makes them less of a dick.

  3. Cereus Bidness

    Bro, these go on your plate carrier/helmet/LBE, etc. for when greyman has to become Florida man and it’s time to party.

  4. Marcus Aurelius Tarkus

    Wearing any of this kind of merchandise is antithetical to “gray” manhood. The latter does not guarantee safety, but does tend to mitigate some of 21st century life’s risks. Just sayin’.

    • David Reeder

      Nobody is arguing there’s a time and a place for the gray man. But there’s also a place for ribald humor. We don’t always have to be Jason Bourne level ready.

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