We know this can be a heated topic, but we’ve never been of the mind to shy away from controversy. In today’s op-ed, guest contributor Jeff Edwards talks about The Screaming Fat Man from Oregon, and regardless of what side you’re on or where you toe the line, it’s worth a go. Read up. Mad Duo
The Screaming Fat Man from Oregon — He’s Why Militias Will Fail America
by Jeff Edwards
To say the least, the Bundy standoff in Oregon is controversial. I’m not here to weigh in on that particular matter, so calm down. But whether you support or oppose it, you just might find value in what I’m about to say.
After the militia leaders were arrested in Oregon this last week, there were but four or five men left to lead the charge. Apparently a previously-unknown militiaman affectionately nicknamed Twinkies Mc-HoHo decided it was his time to step into the leadership role. Watch his video below; it’s a little long because General McHoHo has to catch his breath between screaming rants, but keep watching for the LOL factor if nothing else.
You can quit watching after four minutes because after that it’s just an episode of Bob the Builder.
The Tactical Advantage
Many veterans choose the LEO path. Many do not. While I am a Marine veteran of Iraq, I know plenty of non-military LEOs who are quite tactically proficient (to say nothing of all the legit prior military LEOs). We want them that way, right? If Islamic radicals took over a building in Portland, wouldn’t we want a proficient police force to enter the fray? It does, however, get a little dicey when we start talking about the protest in America.
But forget that for a moment. My point is that the video above shows us why militias will fail if they really revolt.
When I deployed to Iraq in 2003, I did yell a bit from time to time but as a nobody corporal. But if I ever sounded like this guy, my Lance Corporals would have slapped me in the face and taken command. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a more panicked approach since Atrial freaked out at the end of the Never Ending Story (I’m an 80s kid, sue me).
In a subsequent live-stream from the militia I’ll post later, they rant that the government is sending Delta to subdue them. Literally, four or five guys left at the Malheur Refuge think the American government needs Chuck Norris and 1st SFOD-D (the Unit) to take them down. In reality, we pretty much only need Larry the Cable Guy and Delta Farce. If the FBI or the local Sheriff can’t handle a fat guy and four wannabe buddies at a wildlife refuge, America’s in trouble.
Regardless of where you stand on this issue, please don’t tell me you hope the Oregon militia makes a stand against American LEOs.
The Moral Outrage
I don’t know what bothers me more: government overreach or the fat guy screaming accusations that I, a veteran, am not standing up for my oath. I know what the oath is, sir. I took it at age 17 while you were eating Ding Dongs and playing Call of Duty. You could have taken the oath too, but that diabeetus is a bitch now isn’t it?
Spare me the moral outrage. Seriously, go home and lecture me another day.
As a US Marine, I believe in the last stands of valiant warriors. But if the people at Malheur are the last stand for American freedom, I’ll take my chances with Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.
I’ll leave you with one last video. It’s a little long, but we can make it fun (especially for warfighters). Pour shots of whiskey, and every time this self-admitted 27-year-old gamer makes a statement that makes you want to smack him, take a shot.
I love my country and I love freedom. But if Twinkies Mc-HoHo and Call of Duty Prestige Mode warriors are our only hope, well, best I join the Dark Side because at least I won’t be embarrassed when I die. Here’s some advice: when you run out of legit veterans, go home and stop making videos.
Now pull out your finest whiskey and get ready for a drinking game that will have you drunk in ten minutes…if you can stand to watch it at all.
Semper Fi, and Semper Fi one more time. Love your country, but think critically and question authority. Lady Liberty wants her panties back.
Please be so kind as to give the Tactical Tyrion series your attention.
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About the Author: Guest contributor Jeff Edwards is a former gyrene, an infantry veteran of Iraq and the HFMIC of Unprecedented Mediocrity. You’ve seen us post some of his UM work here occasionally — we liked his wit sufficiently to let him pontificate here on occasion. (Come to think of it, that actually might not be the greatest character reference, but it’s the truth.) Where’s the name Unprecedented Mediocrity come from? It’s founded at least partially on Jeff’s personal philosophy that “…there is unprecedented joy in the state of simply being as opposed to constantly chasing an arbitrary standard that someone else likely made up.” Find him on Twitter at @jeffed0311, and never joke about getting dick pics. He’ll more than likely send some.