Militias | The Screaming Fat Man from Oregon

We know this can be a heated topic, but we’ve never been of the mind to shy away from controversy. In today’s op-ed, guest contributor Jeff Edwards talks about The Screaming Fat Man from Oregon, and regardless of what side you’re on or where you toe the line, it’s worth a go. Read up. Mad Duo

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The Screaming Fat Man from Oregon — He’s Why Militias Will Fail America

by Jeff Edwards

To say the least, the Bundy standoff in Oregon is controversial. I’m not here to weigh in on that particular matter, so calm down. But whether you support or oppose it, you just might find value in what I’m about to say.

After the militia leaders were arrested in Oregon this last week, there were but four or five men left to lead the charge. Apparently a previously-unknown militiaman affectionately nicknamed Twinkies Mc-HoHo decided it was his time to step into the leadership role. Watch his video below; it’s a little long because General McHoHo has to catch his breath between screaming rants, but keep watching for the LOL factor if nothing else.

You can quit watching after four minutes because after that it’s just an episode of Bob the Builder.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72MJLxSTiGM

The Tactical Advantage

Many veterans choose the LEO path. Many do not. While I am a Marine veteran of Iraq, I know plenty of non-military LEOs who are quite tactically proficient (to say nothing of all the legit prior military LEOs). We want them that way, right? If Islamic radicals took over a building in Portland, wouldn’t we want a proficient police force to enter the fray? It does, however, get a little dicey when we start talking about the protest in America.

BLM-BundyRanch

But forget that for a moment. My point is that the video above shows us why militias will fail if they really revolt.

When I deployed to Iraq in 2003, I did yell a bit from time to time but as a nobody corporal. But if I ever sounded like this guy, my Lance Corporals would have slapped me in the face and taken command. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a more panicked approach since Atrial freaked out at the end of the Never Ending Story (I’m an 80s kid, sue me).

In a subsequent live-stream from the militia I’ll post later, they rant that the government is sending Delta to subdue them. Literally, four or five guys left at the Malheur Refuge think the American government needs Chuck Norris and 1st SFOD-D (the Unit) to take them down. In reality, we pretty much only need Larry the Cable Guy and Delta Farce. If the FBI or the local Sheriff can’t handle a fat guy and four wannabe buddies at a wildlife refuge, America’s in trouble.

Regardless of where you stand on this issue, please don’t tell me you hope the Oregon militia makes a stand against American LEOs.


The Moral Outrage

I don’t know what bothers me more: government overreach or the fat guy screaming accusations that I, a veteran, am not standing up for my oath. I know what the oath is, sir. I took it at age 17 while you were eating Ding Dongs and playing Call of Duty. You could have taken the oath too, but that diabeetus is a bitch now isn’t it?

Spare me the moral outrage. Seriously, go home and lecture me another day.

Oregon BLM Protest Malheur Refuge 1
They’re coming to kill us! They’re gawn murder us! It’s gawn be a bloodbath! They’re sending in the Delta Forces! Lions and tiger and bears all living together!

As a US Marine, I believe in the last stands of valiant warriors. But if the people at Malheur are the last stand for American freedom, I’ll take my chances with Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.

SDI

I’ll leave you with one last video. It’s a little long, but we can make it fun (especially for warfighters). Pour shots of whiskey, and every time this self-admitted 27-year-old gamer makes a statement that makes you want to smack him, take a shot.

I love my country and I love freedom. But if Twinkies Mc-HoHo and Call of Duty Prestige Mode warriors are our only hope, well, best I join the Dark Side because at least I won’t be embarrassed when I die. Here’s some advice:  when you run out of legit veterans, go home and stop making videos.

Now pull out your finest whiskey and get ready for a drinking game that will have you drunk in ten minutes…if you can stand to watch it at all.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wZ46JBe0QM

Semper Fi, and Semper Fi one more time. Love your country, but think critically and question authority. Lady Liberty wants her panties back.

-Jeff

Please be so kind as to give the Tactical Tyrion series your attention.
Sandor Clegane Machine-Gunner -Tactical Tyrion
The Tactical Hound: a damn dangerous machine gunner who loves chicken.

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About the Author: Guest contributor Jeff Edwards is a former gyrene, an infantry veteran of Iraq and the HFMIC of Unprecedented Mediocrity. You’ve seen us post some of his UM work here occasionally — we liked his wit sufficiently to let him pontificate here on occasion. (Come to think of it, that actually might not be the greatest character reference, but it’s the truth.) Where’s the name Unprecedented Mediocrity come from? It’s founded at least partially on Jeff’s personal philosophy that “…there is unprecedented joy in the state of simply being as opposed to constantly chasing an arbitrary standard that someone else likely made up.” Find him on Twitter at @jeffed0311, and never joke about getting dick pics. He’ll more than likely send some.

14 thoughts on “Militias | The Screaming Fat Man from Oregon

  • February 4, 2016 at 12:08 pm
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    New here, and late to the part…for this post anyway. I did not watch the video, just looked at the still shot pic at the top of the story. Fat boy is holding what looks to be a Ruger Mini-14 Ranch Rifle. This rifle uses the M-1/M-14 style mechanical safety positioned in the forward part of the trigger guard. Based on my experience with both the M-1 rifle and the Mini-14 rifle it appears that his safety is OFF. Anyone else notice this?. I guess just further evidence of this guys status as a super ‘tool’.

    Reply
  • February 2, 2016 at 7:01 am
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    Galactic level stupidity, as if “occupying” an empty building in the middle of nowhere was not indicator enough this yutz has to post more proof on the intrawebsthingy. Oh. My. Gawd.

    If these guys really wanted to make a stand they should have done it by moving their cattle herds onto the open grazing land and then defended them from people trying to steal them(Bureau of Land Management, not the other BLM tards). Instead, they chose to be idiots. And this clown doubled down on it.

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  • January 31, 2016 at 11:36 pm
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    Jesus tap-dancing Christ.

    First to the fat boy:

    I have no intention of joining you and your merry band of retards and I’m certainly not going to kill a cop to do so. In all matter of factness Sir, if I may call you that, I am completely unimpressed by some morbidly obese moron in hunting cammies with his “tricked out” Mini 14/30 and it’s shitty scope. My 16 year old cousins would put you down at 1000 yards without a problem… I mean how the fuck could they miss a fucking “camouflaged” VW Bug with a rifle that screams nonsense at random intervals. Stay tactical brah. Stay fucking tactical.

    Second, to reality:

    Is this for fucking real? Like fucking seria-fucking mente?

    Fuck man, when I first heard about this I kinda said “Fuck the BLM!” cause… well fuck the BLM and their “Our word is law” nonsense. Fuckers should hang high.

    Now I look at this and the government agency going after people for setting backfires to prevent lightning fires started on gov’t land seem… reasonable!?!

    Third:

    I hope it never hits the fan or our government really goes the tyrannical route because I’m more worried about fat boys like this fucktarded shitbird than I am government agents. WAY more worried. At least the agents of tyranny will face me, this special snowflake will shoot me in the back by accident (Note to self: spend more money on plates for your back than for your chest).

    Finally to the author: Fuck yeah, Semper Fi!

    Reply
  • January 31, 2016 at 7:15 pm
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    Sir, I must use the last two lines as a quote {with full credit of course!}

    Love your country, but think critically and question authority. Lady Liberty wants her panties back.

    -Jeff Edwards

    Reply
  • January 31, 2016 at 6:52 pm
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    As a Marine veteran, our oath was to protect and defend the concepts in a precious document and Captain Twinkies has standing, like all citizens. I wouldn’t get too wrapped around the axle. Perhaps the message has some validity, but, we shouldn’t always shoot the messenger, even if he is totally inept conveying same.

    Kind of reminds me of the WY rancher who build a stock pond in accordance with WY regulations only to have EPA fine him for violating the Clean Water Act, which exempts stock ponds. CATCH 22?

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  • January 31, 2016 at 6:10 pm
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    Porky the “patriot” is just another reason why being part of an organization without requirements is a bad idea. All “3%ers” are being judged by this guy. Youngsters should listen to the lessons learned in the 90s by “patriots”.

    Any true military knows you don’t bunker in when outnumbered you guerrilla. Stolen valor tactics suck that’s why it was so easy.

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  • January 31, 2016 at 5:33 pm
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    Could he have at least put the camera on a stand or centered it for fucksake. I was just waiting for him to start screaming “de tuk r jewbs!”.

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  • January 31, 2016 at 3:49 pm
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    So like…… I’m fucking hammmered …… Yut kill rah

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  • January 31, 2016 at 2:41 pm
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    I don’t know… maybe it’s just me, but is it possible that these people are mentally ill? Some seem quite intelligent, and obviously believe in what they are doing. Now I understand that they are going about it in the wrong way, but this piece has done nothing to sway my opinion either way. You’ve done nothing to tell me that the reason that they are doing this is wrong. You’ve done nothing but make fun of someone because they are fat, and make fun of someone because they appear to be a little nerdy. Just my opinion, but if you’re going to write a piece on why these people are wrong, put some fact behind it. You’re making veterans… marines specifically, just look like a bunch of bullies for picking on someone who needs a little psychological help.

    Reply
    • February 1, 2016 at 11:53 pm
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      David: I think that’s a fair comment about them being mentally ill. From what we know of this one guy’s history–his arrest record (really quite an impressive one), his anger mgmt problems, and his extensive history of substance abuse, whackjob Christianity, ammosexuality, and general unpleasantness–I think he would benefit from a long series of inpatient counselling, antidepressant medication, and possibly other mood stabilizers. I don’t know about his companions still there with him, but it’s likely that they are equally bad off, though the fact that he’s the spokesmouth for them suggests that he’s the worst of the lot.

      But another part of this is also that they’re just By-God STUPID. It’s not just that they’re ignorant, something for which they’ve got a corner on the market, but it’s that I’m doubtful that any of them break into triple digits on an IQ test. Adding to that a rather profound sense of personal insecurity and lack of confidence, and you’ve got… the Oregon Mill-Lishuh. I also think they’ve been dazzled by the Bundys, who have more money and the trappings of power than these yokels ever will, so when the idea to go do this phenomenally stupid thing because of some weird myth about the Constitution they picked up came up, they were all for it. “We’ll be important! We can justify our ammosexuality! People will admire us!!” And off they went.

      I also think the reason they’re still there after Ammon Bundy said “Go home!” is that this truly is all they have left. There’s no fame. There’s no fortune. People are laughing their asses off at their incompetence. And they’re going to get busted and probably spend a lot of time in prison. They’re losers and they kinda know it and they’re pissed and really, really scared. I can’t blame them for that; they are in this mighty deep at this point and nothing is going to make it better. For these reasons, I fear that this will not end well at all.

      (You know, as I reread that to make sure I’d gotten everything straight, I found myself feeling kinda sorry for these folks, something I didn’t think was possible. I mean, they’re a boil on the backside of humanity. I can’t see any good that they add to the world and they’ve caused massive destruction to the Malheur Refuge, the surroundings, the Paiutes, and the community, all of which are reprehensible and largely irredeemable… and yet: it’s obvious that their own stupidity and willful ignorance have gotten them to where they are now: trapped with no good moves left on the board, facing years in prison or a meaningless death. Those are really bad choices and I’m not saying they don’t deserve them after they’ve spent so much time making them, but I actually find myself sorry they didn’t make better choices that would’ve helped them avoid this.)

      Reply
  • January 31, 2016 at 2:37 pm
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    As a veteran, I agree wholeheartedly with your position, but I do believe that you are forgetting an important fact. Those out at the Malheur Refuge are not Militiamen, and I will explain why. A Militia is a State entity. You cannot be a National Militia and retain your Constitutional protections. Our Nation was founded as individual, sovereign States who came together, and each State had their own Militia, which was independent of any central power control. The Militia can only operate outside the border of their State if another States Governor calls for their assistance and their Governor sends them, or if the United States is threatened, whereby the Militias of the States are called up and are assembled as the US Army. Our Founding Fathers were against the idea of a standing army, which is why every State in the Union has the Militia in their Constitution.

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    • January 31, 2016 at 7:28 pm
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      Article 1 of the Constitution details establishing the Army and the Navy and also mentions arming, training, and regulating militias to quell insurrection and repel invasions. Also, as every Marine knows, the Marine Corps was formed in 1775; eight months before the Declaration of Independence.

      Reply
  • January 31, 2016 at 2:31 pm
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    Do you mean fucking atreyu? Jesustittyfuckingchrist.

    Reply

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