Behind the Scenes at Ares Gear
How we ended up in Columbus, Ohio is a story in and of itself. Let us assure you that it involved nothing more exciting than a HALO jump with a female companion whose morals were as flexible as her double-jointed knees. So, you know, just your normal Mad Duo Tuesday kinda stuff. Anyway we figured while we were there we’d drop in on one of our JTF Awesome Alpha sponsors: Ares Gear.
Right from the outset, we knew we were in the right place. You see, adjacent to Ares Gear is a company of questionable American character. Instead of naming names we’ll just call it “DICKFUCKS NEXT DOOR”. DICKFUCKS NEXT DOOR is no doubt owned by the Soviets, the Red Chinese or the sort of booger-eating fuckwit who’d vote for Monica Lewinsky’s ex-boyfriend’s wife.
Let’s see, which door do we go through? Do we pick the freedom loving American side or the oppressive collective communist crap?
We offer this picture so you can judge for yourself
After rubbing excrement on the door handle to the bordering Bolshevik business, we stepped inside Ares Gear. The shop is new, large, tidy, and pretty much the polar opposite of the
cages offices we keep our minions in, sans of course the amount of booze and guns and porn. Seriously, we’ve seen surgery performed in less pristine conditions. Jake Sebens, a founder and HMFIC of Ares gear, greeted us at the door himself (along with his dog, which was the second reason we knew we were in the right place). There were some delightful female staff members present (not that we creeped them out by smelling their hair or anything) as was Joe Weyer (of Weyer Tactical, located in Alliance, Ohio). Pleasantries were exchanged and we acted like we were interested in what they had to say, but quite frankly we were distracted by the assorted, uh, qualities of those females – that is, until we were handed guns.
Now it’s not everyday that someone just hands us one or more guns right after we walk through the door, but that’s exactly what happened. Well okay, it’s actually a more common occurrence with us than most folks.
But when it’s an HK subgun with an integral M-LOK rail? With brand new industrial sewing machines behind it? Baller.
Yes, we know and recognize the value of a good sewing machine – if you’ve ever had to do any barracks mods to your gear you probably do too.
Custom Caspian 1911 with a threaded barrel? On top of a pile of Aegis Belts? Fuck. Yes.
Why were we here again? Oh yeah, titties and tattoos belts.
It’s overtly obvious to anyone who pays attention to this website that we’re gay for belts. Well, not just any belts, but high quality, purpose-driven, tough as fuck belts. Just a quick search through our archives will spew reviews that validate this – but none are so aesthetically pleasing as what Ares Gear puts out.
See for yourself:
Jake’s dog showed us into their inventory room (true story). Rest assured, the lead times you’ll see on their website are obviously estimated for the worst case scenario–not the normal order receive time. We were brought through assembly, shown a myriad of different camo patterns, and then we saw it:
A fricken laser. Mounted on a shark.
Okay, maybe it wasn’t on a shark. But it was a big fricken laser. It could have perhaps been attached to a computer. But it did have a bigassed red button we weren’t supposed to press, so that appropriately satisfied our fantasies. The laser isn’t used to play with the shop cat (remember, Ares Gear has a badass dog on site and everyone knows cats are the other other white meat) but rather to engrave custom buckles and other items. If we had one we’d be using it to serialize everything in the house, just because.
The next question of course was – what should we make?
That’s just step one. Initially we were going to pair it with a combination of Pencott Greenzone and AOR2, just to give heart attacks to the airsoft kids, but ultimately went with the goes-with-everything black belt. Remember, back before Wolf Grey, Coyote, and FDE, it was black that was the new black.
In the picture above you’ll see one of the Ares craftswomen doing a little work on the belt we had made while on site; rest assured there are some additional proprietary processes that give them Ares Gear belts those extra perfectly smooth edges and rugged construction. We would totally tell you what they are, but we’re dicks, not assholes. That’s too much Blue Falcon, even for us.
The Ares Gear Aegis buckle is distinctive, without screaming ‘holy fuck tactical’ and thus makes it appropriate in almost any attire. And of course the belts themselves are stiff enough to hold gun and mags and gear without folding for years to come. It’s not unheard of to come across someone who still wears an original Ares Ranger everyday, despite purchasing it the better part of a decade ago.
Here’s a small sampling of some of the custom work that Ares Gear currently puts out:
If you’re looking for a fantastic EDC belt, look no further. The durability, classic looks, custom options, and ability to beat some bastard to death with that Aegis buckle are just icing on the cake.
You might have noticed this article was overwhelmingly positive. That’s not an accident, and it’s not just because Ares Gear gives us money (though we freely admit to really liking it when they give us money). Fact is, the majority (admittedly not all) of our minions wear an Ares Gear belt of one form or the other. We like wearing Jake’s belts the way we like jerking off with cashmere – there just aren’t any drawbacks to it.
Emergency: Activate firefly, deploy green (or brown) star cluster, get your wank sock out of your ruck and stand by ’til we come get you.
Swinging Dick Approved.