Attention Original Pipehitters!
Chesty Puller did it. So did George Patton, Douglas MacArthur, and Percy Fawcett. Let’s not forget Nat “King” Cole, Einstein, Mark Twain, Ronald Reagan, or Walt Disney either.
They smoked a pipe.
They were all original pipehitters.
So as an homage to them, and to some of our own fathers and grandfathers, we’re releasing the new Original Pipehitter tee.
Why should you smoke a pipe? Why should you wear our new Original Pipehitter shirt?
Well, that’s easy. You’re not just gonna look distinguished and badass. You’ll live longer than the girly-men who prefer cigarettes and e-cigs too. Plus, girls we’ll find your gravitas and inestimably compelling.
This is the look of a lady imagining her man smoking a pipe.
Just look at these dashing fellows — all of whom contribute to the hallowed pages of this erudite publication.
Remember the Surgeon General’s report from 1964, the one that first really got people taking a hard look at cigarettes? Prob’ly not. Anyway. It said cigarettes were bad — but pipes, not so much.
“…cigar smoke has 4 times as much benz(a)pyrene as cigarette smoke, and pipe smoke ten times as much as cigarette smoke (p. 58). Yet, the Committee found pipe and cigar smoke to be pretty much innocent of causing lung cancer, and even concluded that pipe smokers live longer than non-smokers.”
That’s right. Smoke a pipe, you live longer.
That might be bullshit, in fact it probably is, but we don’t particularly care. We like pipesmoking.
In the meantime – buy one of our Original Pipehitter shirts. You’ll be happy you did, you’ll look far more manly and distinguished than you did just five minutes before you put it on, and you’ll look way less ambiguously “Millenial” than you do sucking on that robot dick e-cig.
Read everything we have about Pipe Hitting here in this line-up.
This article was lovingly prepared for you by the Breach-Bang-Clear News Team.
If you wish to share or repost, please so kind as to follow our terms and conditions.
Mad Duo, Breach-Bang& CLEAR!
Emergency: Activate firefly, deploy green (or brown) star cluster, get your wank sock out of your ruck and stand by ’til we come get you.
T&C: All original material published by Breach-Bang-Clear is the copywritten property of Breach-Bang-Clear, Inc. If you wish to repost, republish, or otherwise share our content, feel free to reproduce an extract of up to 225 words and one complete, unaltered image, preceded by attribution crediting the source and author’s name, to include a link to the Breach-Bang-Clear home page, with a link back to the full article on our website, BreachBangClear.com. You do not require our permission to do this. Please do not reproduce our content in its entirety without contacting us first. We do allow full syndication on a case by case basis (credited, and posted with a canonical link, as is common practice and in good form) but only when mutually agreed upon beforehand. If you wish to reproduce a complete article, please contact us for permission to publish first.