It’s an under-utilized element of the warrior diet.
The drive to get people eating better is ongoing, and it seems to get more strident every year. GMOs and gluten intolerance, Forks Over Knives, paleo cultists doing battle with Crossfit zealots to convert you, and we’re over here thinking, “We’re just here for the cake.”
Slim washes his triple-stack mega burger down with a fifth of whiskey (just a pint if he’s at a drive-through), followed by a pack of unfiltered Camels for desert. Swingin’ Dick ain’t even as health conscious as that.
WTF are all these dirty hippies moaning about?
What do we care about all this feel-good, kale enema, new age bullshit? Not a damn thing. We don’t care. We do, however, recognize that the bodies of vast numbers of our readers are temples built in tribute to Mars, the God of War. It is our duty, and yours, to keep our shit sharp and wired tight. We study the gun, we study tactics and the TTPs of our enemies, we read books, and we try to progress as warriors as a whole. We go to the range, we jack steel and ruck for miles…run and swim and push ourselves in training so we’re not overwhelmed in a fight.
Thus we actually do pay some attention to dietary issues, though we’re not going to stop making fun of fish-oil addicted worriers who only eat eggs from free-range chickens. One of the things we have recently come to like and stash away unabashedly is honey.
We’ll explain why.
It’s hard not to acknowledge that a lot of our buddies are into the paleo diet and eating like a hunter gatherer. Their diet and work out routines don’t lie; they are some skull crushing behemoths. Hell at TRIGGRCON a couple months back we hung out with a barrel-chested freedom fighter with strangler-hands and arms like a GO-rilla, and he was a damn vegetarian!
WTF. How is that even possible?
Regardless of what you like to stuff in your mouth in your off time (that was not a stab at Rhonda down at the motor-pool, or any of the girls at Nancy’s Squat ‘n’ Gobble) there is a lot of good, healthy foods to keep handy. A few of them should be in your stockpile as you prepare for the upcoming war with North Korea. Some are absolute must-haves for your go-bag, get-home bag, or everyday field kit.
We’d never even considered it until it was pointed out to us by one of the Army SF guys we know. He’s a salty bearded badass and American Jedi who doesn’t much believe in a box to think outside of. It’s something so idiot-simple, and far superior to grit-bars or trail mix, which is why he always keeps honey in his ruck, regardless of the mission or where he’s deployed.
We’ll explain more, but first, a word from our sponsor — it takes money to run this place, give CFF some consideration why don’tcha?
Honey — Just Honey
That’s right. He’s always got simple, pure, natural honey in his kit. And he ain’t even a hippie.
Now, before all you basement-dwellers with keyboard commando long-tabs start makin’ fun of us (or yell upstairs for your momma to go buy you some CAG-brand Tier One honey), hear us out. It makes plenty of sense, and it’s combat proven.
Lots of reasons to have some of this stuff on board.
Increased warfighting performance? Check! All those old Spartan dudes you guys keep getting tattoos of, despite the whole erastes–eromenos pederasty thing? They ate honey. The Romans who inspire your SPQR ink? Yeah, they ate honey too. It was a historically recorded part of their diet. It helped them maintain their glycogen levels and improve their recovery time in training and combat. It’s good for ambushes too. Wait, ambushes you ask? Why yes. Honey helps with your cough and snot-slinging. That’s why your momma gave it to you as a kid. Nothing’s worse than having a dude on your team hacking and snorting while you’re trying to lay an L shaped ambush…honey might could keep him from compromising that ambush, let you give a few well deserving IS fuckers a dirt nap.
The same thing goes for when you’re outside the wire, and trying to sleep in an LPOP or hide site. An irritated throat won’t let you sleep quietly. Coughing could get you killed. If you have some honey stowed in your ruck, start taking it.
Wound care? Check! One of the big-brain guys who studies honey has this to say about treating wounds with it:
“Honey provides a moist healing environment yet prevents bacterial growth even when wounds are heavily infected. It is a very effective means of quickly rendering heavily infected wounds sterile, without the side effects of antibiotics, and it is even effective against antibiotic resistant strains of bacteria.” Dr. Peter Molan, Honey Research Unit, University of Waikato, New Zealand
Well, how about that. The stuff even works at healing you up on the outside! There are a lot of folksy uses of honey what could apply to pipehitters too. It’s said that honey is known to speed up your alcohol metabolism, so you can sober you up before PT, and it fights a bad hangover. Plus, the quick boost of energy you gain will help you run a little faster.
Other Health Benefits? Check! Honey has been extensively studied. Results show it can help prevent cancer and heart disease. This is because honey contains flavonoids, antioxidants which help reduce the risk of some cancers and heart disease. It’s also anti-bacterial, and anti-fungal, because the bees add an enzyme that makes hydrogen peroxide. Recent research shows that honey treatment may help disorders such as ulcers and bacterial gastroenteritis. There’s a lot of other science stuff, but we’ll let you google it yourselves if you wanna go deeper?
So its not all just hippie mumbo-jumbo. There is some legitimate science and history to back this all up. Give it a try, and let us know if you notice a change or positive result. Meanwhile check out the listing of uses below. It might be worth keeping some honey around for when things get tough — and if you know something we’re missing, be sure to sound off in the comments.
Other Honey Uses
Antibacterial: Apply honey to cuts, scrapes or burns and cover with a clean bandage. Change dressings one to three times daily, as needed. Note: Excessive heat or prolonged exposure to light can rob honey of its antibacterial properties. Always store in a dark, cool place.
Disinfectant: Take several tablespoons of honey daily for internal disinfection.
Nursing salve: For nursing mothers. Use honey-soaked gazue to salve cracked, sore nipples and prevent infection. Offer this advice after rough sex with the CO’s daughter, or if you are one of those weirdos that get chaffed nipples from working out/ running.
Sore throats: Many hookers and singers add honey to a glass of warm milk or hot tea and sip slowly. This helps soothe the throat, and conditions them for a long career.
Insomnia: Mix a half glass of warm water with 2 tablespoons of honey and the juice of a lemon and an orange. The darker the honey, the better this works. Steal some lemons and oranges from the chow hall.
Honey pick-me-up: Honey is nature’s Redbull . Combine 2 tablespoons honey, 2 teaspoons pollen, a teaspoon of ginseng, and dried orange peel. Take with a spoon. Asian healers believe that this creates a feeling of total rejuvenation.
Diarrhea: Oh, snap. You’ve got the bubble guts afucking-gin. Take eight ounces of water, mix in four large tablespoons of honey, get it down your throat. This works well for bacterial diarrhea. Some folks with medical conditions will need to be careful how much they put down.
Dieting: Honey’s double action (providing instant energy boost, while maintaining sugar levels for a long time) satisfies the hunger for sweets and may keep you feeling fuller longer. For some dieters, this may be good news. No one wants you to be a food blister, so this might help you lose some weight fatty.
Blowjob compatibility: There’s no science or empirical data to support this of course, but we can’t help but wonder if she might not spend a little more time working on that thing if you sweetened it up with a dollop on the end.
Getcha some. Hell, you could order some now with Amazon Prime.
Weigh in with what you know, especially if you find out about that blowjob angle.