Happy Independence Day! [NNSFW}

| July 4, 2016
Categories: Op-Eds

Happy Independence Day! This is the fourth year for this post. We saw no reason to stop running it now. ‘Merica.

Edit for 2018: Use coupon code Freedom18 to get 20% off your entire order from MadDuoCo. Runs today through Sunday night. 20% off entire order.

Like what you read here? Consider supporting us. 

Please support us on Patreon - pledge your loyalty to House Morningwood.

Just one of those $ you tip dancing moms with you would let you pledge loyalty to House Morningwood.

Today is the day we watch for Uncle Sam as he soars on a giant eagle across this nation’s spacious skies, from sea to shining sea. Today we remember to set out cookies for Capt. America as he goes from house to house to bless each one with American Liberty.

And today is also the day we celebrate the birth of a country unlike any other in the history of the world — one based on the proposition that a man is free, and that the authority to exercise power comes solely from the consent of the governed. Keep this in mind: for all the fuckery and silliness that occasionally plagues the United States of America, we remain the hope of much of the world. No other single country has shed as much blood or spent as much treasure in the last half century to free the oppressed, feed the hungry, or succor the hopeless and helpless. That’s a historical fact and an incontrovertible one. The United States fights evil, often so others don’t have to. We have many friends and allies in that fight, but none of them have the might or the money of our country — which puts a tremendous responsibility upon our shoulders.

Remember that in the coming months. Remember that during the election. Remember that as you raise your children.


“Though the American soldiery perhaps may not be so regularly disciplined as the King’s troops, yet it must be considered that there is a very material difference between a man who fights for his natural liberty, and the man who only fights because he is paid for it. The former defends himself in a just cause; the latter is the mere dupe of power.” New York Gazette and Weekly Mercury, 03 July 1775

“Titles are the offspring of monarchical and arbitrary governments…The Roman Senate in the height of its glory and happiness had not other title that Senatus Populus que Romanus, that is, the senate and people of Rome. Scipio was addressed by the name of Scipio, at the head of his army. Aristides was called Aristides, in the councils and public streets of Athens. Let us leave the titles of excellency and honorable to the abandoned servants of a tyrant King, the King of England, while we satisfy ourselves with beholding our senators, governors and generals in real excellence and honor.” Pennsylvania Evening Post, 13 July 1776

Damn right.

So happy birthday America! Thanks for being the most awesome country in the history of the world. Disagree with that analysis? You have the right. You know why you can disagree?

‘Cuz fucking ‘Merica, that’s why. It’s a free country — though if you do disagree with us you can go choke on a bag of non-American dicks.

Happy Independence Day - please tell us another story about freedom!

We celebrate American Exceptionalism on this website; here you do not have to apologize for being patriotic. Here we know the truth of things.

“If we look to the answer as to why for so many years we achieved so much, prospered as no other people on Earth, it was because here in this land we unleashed the energy and individual genius of man to a greater extent than has ever been done before. Freedom and the dignity of the individual have been more available and assured here than in any other place on Earth. The price for this freedom at times has been high, but we have never been unwilling to pay that price.”  Ronald Reagan

Unknown photo credit – but we like it.

Happy birthday America. Happy Independence Day, Americans. Make sure you always strive to deserve how awesome your homeland is.


In closing, we’d just like to say,


Happy Independence Day Captain America

Support us on Patreon. Join the Great House Morningwood.

Support Us on Patreon - Join House Morningwood

🚩  Proudly wear our sigil and speak our words! Arm and armor yourself at the Morningwood Bazaar!  🚩

Declare for Morning Wood!

Come, stroll the awe-inspiring aisles of the Morningwood BazaarEarn the right to wear our sigil and speak our words.

Become a Patron!

If you wish to cite, syndicate, or curate our material, or if you’re wondering about our please be so kind as to read our Terms, Conditions, and Disclosures.
Take heed! We have advertisers, sponsors, and affiliate relationships with some of the companies you will be reading about (particularly, but not limited to, archival posts). If you purchase one of those items, we will get a small commission from the sale at no additional cost to you. A lot of work goes into Breach-Bang-Clear; by making your purchase through one of our portals you’ll be supporting our work. This will help us buy beer, bullets, and barbecue, and we won’t have to put pop-up ads and other such stupid shit into our articles to pay our expenses. 


  1. Echo


    Love me some America

  2. Wilson

    Gratuitous boobage appreciated.

    Happy Birthday America and happy 4th of July to the crew at BB&C. (Have you guys ever considered how close that is to BBC and how strange this could all get?)


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published.