The Mad Duo

The Mad Duo

Who are the Mad Duo? It’s an epic tale, one of heroism, adventure, and great feats of arms. Truth told, dictators overthrown, doors kicked, damsels rescued, dragons slain…

You get the idea.

Check back when you can…recounting this level of awesome badassery is an arduous, even Sisyphean task, so it must by necessity an ongoing effort.

(Grunts: Sisyphean.)

The Mad Duo

They fight evil so you don’t have to.

The Mad Duo are perhaps the best-traveled, door-kickingest action figures in the history of mankind. They are modern-day trigger-pulling analogue of “Flat Stanley“; for instance, they realy do mail themselves all over the globe to hand out with some of the best pipe-hitters in the business.  Writers from the beginning of their careers, their scalpel-like wit and perspicacious perspicuity are the editorial equivalent of a .308 boat tail to the head. They don’t mean to be so awesome, they just wake up that way every day — just ask them, they’ll tell you. Richard “Swingin’ Dick” Kilgore and Jake “Slim” Call prefer rifles for social work but are more than proficient with their pistols and have little patience for stoopid shit. They never dangle their participles, never fall for the banana in the tailpipe trick, and always remember to police their brass. They are currently headquartered in Nancy’s Squat’n’Gobble, the best strip club and spaghetti buffet in Oklahoma City and are saving the money they earn from the Tactical Buyers Club to retire.

As though this much badassery could ever retire.

The Mad Duo may very well never retire.

Richard “Swingin’ Dick” Kilgore is half of the most storied celebrity action figure team in the world (and the half that doesn’t prefer BBWs). His nickname comes from his first deployment as an action figure (it was to Air Assault school). Born in Freedom, Oklahoma, he believes in American Exceptionalism, America, holding the door for any woman (lady or whore) and the idea that you should be held accountable for what comes out of your fucking mouth. Swingin’ Dick has been a warrior gyrovague for many years now and is, apparently, impossible to kill — he once had a complete body transplant after an IED hit the gun truck in which he was riding.

That’s a true story, one of the Cav guys mailed his head and arm home.

Swingin’ Dick comes from a long line of soldiers and LEOs (his Great Uncle commanded an Air Cav battalion in Vietnam and his many times removed great grandfather was one of the few original Burt Mossman era Arizona Rangers). Swingin’ Dick detests Joy Behar and Chris Matthews almost as much as he enjoys traveling the world to crush crime vice and evil. He believes the opportunity to lead eeeelight team of Breach Bang Clear minions is the most improbably awesome thing an action figure has ever done and he’s immensely proud of his perfect hair.

Read more about Swinging Dick.

Loyalty and respect should start from the top down.

Jake “Slim” Call comes from a long line of military and law enforcement service, dating all the way back to the earliest days of the Texas Rangers. Contrary to what Swingin’ Dick says, he does not like fat chicks. Born in Austin, Texas, Slim has been a part of Breach-Bang-Clear since about ’05, and since then has traveled around the world spreading awesomeness, fighting evil and putting single dancing moms through college. Slim hates hippies, sissies and when the MRE Tabasco leaks into the toilet paper and dries there but you don’t realize it until its too late. Together with his comrade Richard “Swingin’ Dick Kilgore” Slim manages and directs an eeeelight blogging team of writers that thinks you can be a warrior and a patriot and still be amenable to civil discourse.

Read more about Slim Call.

Incorrigibility breeds contempt.