Uzis and Bayonets (Really)
Mike the Mook wrote a “listicle” titled 5 Must-Have Full Auto Uzi Accessories for RECOIL magazine online the other day. We’re not huge fans of the concept of a listicle–it seems cheap and tawdry. But then so are the dancer/buffet servers at Nancy’s Squat’n’Gobble, and we still pay attention to them. Thus, despite our better judgment and journalistic hauteur, we read them on occasion.
Mike’s listicle was actually pretty good, not least because of the reason he gave as to why an Uzi owner should add a bayonet to the weapon.
“…bayonets seem to give anti-gun political types an aneurysm. So if mounting a bayonet to your full auto Uzi would give some anti-Second Amendment blatteroon a stroke before the elections, we say go for it.”
We also appreciates how he describes the relative sex appeal of different weapons, for instance:
“Uzis are cool, but not all of them. Gentleman, a semi-auto 16 in. Model A or Model B carbine is not going to drop any panties. Nor will its clones by Century or Norinco. Hell, that fugly thumbhole Planet of the Apes type stock might even get you kicked out of the house. Vectors are hideous too.”
Fair enough, say we. Plus, Chuck Norris uses them. So there’s that.
Who doesn’t want an Uzi?
There’s more to The Mook’s article, obviously. He gets into specifics, talking about holsters, carrying cases, the assassination attempt on President Reagan, Chuck Norris and silencers, as well as various manufacturers including Subgun Ordnance, Black Dog Machine, Bowers Group, and Gemtech among others.
It’s worth the time to read. Go do so right here.
If you’re not familiar with the attempted Reagan assassination, this is the video. You’ll see the Uzi about thirty seconds in.
Emergency: Activate firefly, deploy green (or brown) star cluster, get your wank sock out of your ruck and stand by ’til we come get you.