You may notice that this is largely a repeat of what we were thankful for last year. But you know what? We’ve been thankful for American Jedi since long before the term was invented. And we’ll be thankful for them in the years to come. Sit back, have a beer or five, while reflecting on what servicemen and first responders do for us in this great nation. We sure as hell wouldn’t be here in the first place without American Jedi, and so long as we continue producing them, we’ll be here as a nation long after anyone reading this has passed on.
Sometimes American Jedi don’t deal in violence at all.
Compassion is one of the worthiest traits of an American Jedi, no matter how they dress or if they ever wear a uniform.
Sometimes American Jedi are crusty old contrary fellows, all dick and backbone but damned dangerous nonetheless.
Sometimes they’re not very old at all.
American Jedi come in many sizes, shapes and colors. Although all serve their country and community and accomplish great things, some do it in different ways (and not always in a uniform).
Some American Jedi were famous.
Some of their names we’ll never know.
American Jedi often have a sense of humor.
We here at Breach-Bang-Clear believe in American Exceptionalism. We believe American Jedi can come from any political party and any religion, or none. We ask you to exemplify this ethos. Teach your children to do the same.
Richard "Swingin' Dick" Kilgore is half of the most storied celebrity action figure team in the world (and the half that doesn't prefer BBWs). He believes in American Exceptionalism, America, holding the door for any woman (lady or whore) and the idea that you should be held accountable for what comes out of your fucking mouth. Swingin' Dick has been a warrior gyrovague for many years now and is, apparently, impossible to kill -- he once had a complete body transplant after an IED hit the gun truck in which he was riding. True story, one of the Cav guys mailed his head and arm home. Swingin' Dick comes from a long line of soldiers and LEOs (his Great Uncle commanded an Air Cav battalion in Vietnam and his many times removed great grandfather was one of the few original Burt Mossman era Arizona Rangers). Swingin' Dick detests Joy Behar and Chris Matthews almost as much as he enjoys traveling the world to crush crime vice and evil. He believes the opportunity to lead eeeelight team of Breach Bang Clear minions is the most improbably awesome thing an action figure has ever done and he's immensely proud of his perfect hair.
Loyalty and respect should start from the top down.