Immigrants – Fit In or Fuck Off

MadDuoCo's Original Pipehitter Tee
When you’re gunning and lunting – you need the Original Pipehitter tee. Use luntandbang for 15% off a Pipehitter purchase.

It’s fair to say the vast majority of the Mad Duo’s assorted Wretched Minions believe this country is strengthened and empowered by immigrants. Setting aside how much this influenced the earliest decades of our great Republic’s history, the fact is many immigrant Americans are actually better Americans than vast numbers of those born here in the US.

Why? They don’t take things for granted. They know how shitty it can be elsewhere, usually all too well. They have a great work ethic and are often highly motivated small business entrepreneurs who grind far harder than their native-born American counterparts. We absolutely embrace legal immigrants, we believe there should be serious immigration reform (the system blows) and think you should too. That said, we also believe this:

Immigrants, you need to fit in or fuck off.


Because hyphens in front of the word American are moronic and unAmerican. Multiculturalism, by the definition it has evolved to, is multifuckery. This country is a melting pot. This country is an alloy, and it’s stronger for it. There’s no problem taking pride in your heritage, in fact, we encourage it — so long as it comes second to your new homeland. You’re now an American. Act like it. Do your best to become part of our society, use that pride in your heritage to contribute to the gestalt that is our whole. Don’t set yourself apart, refuse to learn the language, demand rights or recognition based on where you’ve come from instead of the ones you are now owed as a citizen of this awesome country — which, by the way, are pretty much better than anywhere else on the planet. Fit in or fuck off.

The inscription on the Statue of Liberty reads,

“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore.”

Those are heady words. Better than most any other prose they represent the promise that is America for untold millions. She, Lady Liberty, is among the best of us. You will note, however, what she doesn’t say:

“Come on over and do your own thing. Speak your own tongue, revile the flag and mock the country that has succored you from your distress. We’ll feed you, clothe you, provide for you and let you continue all the same customs and traditions that led you here in the first place, at the expense of those that made us strong and wealthy enough to give you safe harbor. *shrug*”

We have immigrants writing for us. We have the first generation children of immigrants writing for us. You know what they’ve done? They embraced the American Dream. They’ve started families, businesses, enlisted in the military…they know more history and are better familiar with flag etiquette than the seething, self-entitled masses around them. They go out and the fucking vote. Know what they don’t do? Cry oh woe is me because their kids don’t have access to classes taught in their native tongue. They don’t fly the flag of their home nation higher than Old Glory. They don’t assume that someone who is against illegal immigration is a racist, they don’t piss and moan and demand food stamps or welfare for people here illegally.

They’re not ashamed to embrace and espouse the concept of American Exceptionalism.

Fit in or Fuck Off Shirt 1
If you feel like spreading the welcome, click the image to buy the shirt from Knife Hand Apparel.

They don’t believe they have the right to wealth, happiness, or in-state tuition. They just believe in the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. If you don’t work for something, you don’t value it. It might not surprise our readers that our immigrant friends and family have stronger feelings about this, and greater rancor about illegal immigrants, than most citizens. They certainly feel stronger about it than people who cry, RACIST! at the drop of a hat, start talking human right violations due to [insert moronic social justice concern here] or espouse a so-called “Illegal Alien Bill of Rights.”

Window lickers. You clearly do not know what the word racist means. Although it has been used so often now that it has become almost a platitude, Roosevelt was spot on when he was talking about Americanism.

“In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person’s becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American…There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn’t an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag… We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language… and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people.”

We’ll close with a quote from author Johnny Walker, combat veteran Iraqi interpreter and recent immigrant. It’s much more recent than Teddy’s and is even more apropos.

“I am still getting to know the United States. There is much about the country to learn, and many places to see—Washington, New York, the Midwest. I would love to go to Iowa and see the corn growing in the vast fields, and someday I will hunt in Utah.

This has become our country. We are hungry to learn as much as we can about our new history, from the Revolution to the moon launch. But it is not because of the past that I have come to America. It is because of the future. It is because here it is possible not just to be free, but to be free with a purpose–to be free to build things, whether they are houses or building or companies or new lives. That should be every human being’s goal: to be creative and productive, not a destroyer, not a person who tears others down…We are all immigrants in this place, all living a dream of possibilities, not merely wishing for a better future but doing our best, in everyday ways, to make it. It is the immigrant’s dream, and is finally a reality I can safely share.”

Welcome to America. We’re glad to have you. Please prove yourself worth the dream that should be held by all of us. If you’re someone lucky enough to be born here – don’t embarrass yourself or your country by not being worthy of your birthright.

The shirts — we’re capitalists, and proud of it — are right here.

Please be so kind as to give the Tactical Tyrion series your attention.
Sandor Clegane Machine-Gunner -Tactical Tyrion
The Tactical Hound: a damn dangerous machine gunner who loves chicken.

Declare for Morning Wood!

Why become a patron? Not for the dick pics. So you can access the Morningwood Bazaar, obviously.
Exclusive discounts up to 60% off all kinds of guns and gear. 

Become a Patron!

Plus, unrivaled camaraderie where we only make fun of you most of the time.
Access to Nancy’s Squat & Gobble, our closed Facebook discussion group.

If you wish to cite, syndicate, or curate our material, or if you’re wondering about our please be so kind as to read our Terms, Conditions, and Disclosures.
Take heed! We have advertisers, sponsors, and affiliate relationships with some of the companies you will be reading about (particularly, but not limited to, archival posts). If you purchase one of those items, we will get a small commission from the sale at no additional cost to you. A lot of work goes into Breach-Bang-Clear; by making your purchase through one of our portals you’ll be supporting our work. This will help us buy beer, bullets, and barbecue, and we won’t have to put pop-up ads and other such stupid shit into our articles to pay our expenses. 


4 thoughts on “Immigrants – Fit In or Fuck Off

  • January 17, 2016 at 5:27 pm

    I gotta say that someone wearing that shirt had better be prepared to have the entire post printed on the back to explain that statement, or I would be inclined to tell the wearer to fuck off. That shirt is going to be worn by people who DON’T feel the way that you explain it. Why don’t you just put “Some of by best friends are Immigrants” on each sleeve to make it really infantile?

    That is a stupid shirt and it doesn’t deserve the attention of this blog. I find that very disappointing.

    • January 24, 2016 at 2:11 pm

      That shirt is exactly correct. I would suggest you take a look at the people who are now telling Americans, that they are not welcome in America. Go look at the La Raza website. Google Aztlan, and Reconquista, and then tell me how you feel. If you doubt me, please come to California, and drive through the many huge swaths of land that are third world countries. Look up many of the recent bills passed by our legislature that give more rights and benefits to illegal aliens and convicted criminals, meanwhile demanding more tax money from legal citizens.

      America was the greatest nation the world has even known simply because we gave people the freedom to be as successful as they could possibly be. America drew its strength from the individual citizen. We are not subjects of a king. We have rights given to us by a higher power than any government. That is a revolutionary idea that no other country has ever heard of, prior to the Bill of Rights.

      We all have different cultures, but that doesn’t mean any one is better than the other. If we all unite as Americans, we will be unstoppable again.

    • January 25, 2016 at 10:34 pm

      I am going to have to agree with you. I can’t see wearing, me wearing, this shirt maybe someone else. We have not immigrant’s but “Americans” not living up the the American dream. I have friends who are immigrants who have assibilated better than half the people in this nation who call themselves Americans. This shirt would beg further Inquisition from others which is fine but would leave to many to question what the shirt is suggesting. Others would wear it as a statement of do what I do or your not American.

  • January 15, 2016 at 8:16 pm


    If I had immigrated to another country (let’s say Spain), I would always be a hyphen simply because I immigrated as an adult. But I’d damn well TRY to fit in.

    My kids would be pretty much Spanish, and my grandkids would be indistinguishable from any other Spanish kids.

    THAT’S how it’s done.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *