Don't get killed by dick-shaped bullets

Getting shot is a Bad Thing, though in fairness it's just a hazard of the job if you pursue what we like to call the noble profession of arms.

It's really not something pussies and sissies have to worry about it, which is fine. If there weren't girly boys out there the rest of us wouldn't look so fucking good.

Anyway, getting shot is a Bad Thing, but getting shot by a bullet shaped like a dick (i.e. a penis, that joyous appendage you grunts always have your dickskinners on) is adding insult to injury. If for some weird reason you want some, you can them at a place called The Specialists. Presumably they hurt worse if you shoot someone in the ass with them (though they are not recommended for use against Muj, Taliban or Sean Penn, who don't mind the concept at all).

Theoretically you could get them shaped like that dick of your very own. This would, of course, mean that Piers Morgan and Fareed Zakaria would have matching .22s (short, not long rifle).

The Mad Duo, naturally, would be throwing 25mm rounds – and that's only because we can't get them in RPG size.

YET. Once we can (even if they're inert), watch out Keith Olbermann. You're in for the night of your life.

 

Mad Duo Clear

Swingin' Dick

Richard "Swingin' Dick" Kilgore is half of the most storied celebrity action figure team in the world (and the half that doesn't prefer BBWs). He believes in American Exceptionalism, America, holding the door for any woman (lady or whore) and the idea that you should be held accountable for what comes out of your fucking mouth. Swingin' Dick has been a warrior gyrovague for many years now and is, apparently, impossible to kill -- he once had a complete body transplant after an IED hit the gun truck in which he was riding. True story, one of the Cav guys mailed his head and arm home. Swingin' Dick comes from a long line of soldiers and LEOs (his Great Uncle commanded an Air Cav battalion in Vietnam and his many times removed great grandfather was one of the few original Burt Mossman era Arizona Rangers). Swingin' Dick detests Joy Behar and Chris Matthews almost as much as he enjoys traveling the world to crush crime vice and evil. He believes the opportunity to lead eeeelight team of Breach Bang Clear minions is the most improbably awesome thing an action figure has ever done and he's immensely proud of his perfect hair. Loyalty and respect should start from the top down.


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